


Sloppy Bitch

by Roxyroo96



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: 2019 it fix it fic, 2019IT, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Abusive Wife, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Car Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Depressed Richie Tozier, Divorce, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddieisagaymess, Eddieisbraverthenhethinks, Eddieloveshim, Eventual Happy Ending, Fix It Fic, Fix it AU, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Happy Ending, Haunted Houses, Horror, IT AU, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Longshot - Freeform, M/M, MikeandBillarechaotic, Myraisabitch, PTSD, Polyamory, Public Sex, Reddie, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier's Trashmouth, Richieisababy, Richiewontshutup, Richiewouldliterallydieforhim, Rough Sex, Smut, Stan Lives, StanMikeandBillareinlove, Youcantchangemymind, depressedrichie, dirtytalk, eddieisapowerbottomthough, eddieisstillababy, leaving abuse, longoneshotunless, richie and eddie, richieisanadrenlinejunkie, richieisatop, sorrynotsorry, stanisalive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-01-06 08:22:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 39,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21223520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roxyroo96/pseuds/Roxyroo96
Summary: It had been two years since the losers killed the monster in the Hell Cellar, Two years since Richie had seen the love of his life be impaled by that demon of a clown they faced off against, and exactly one year five months and four days since he told said love of his life that he was in fact, the love of his life.A lot of things had happened in the time that passed between when the losers all meet back up in Derry, Maine. It all started when they got that call from Mike Hanlon. Mike had called them all one by one, he told them that they needed to come home, it was an emergency





	1. Chapter 1

It had been two years since the losers killed the monster in the Hell Cellar, Two years since Richie had seen the love of his life be impaled by that demon of a clown they faced off against, and exactly one year five months and four days since he told said love of his life that he was in fact, the love of his life. 

A lot of things had happened in the time that passed between when the losers all meet back up in Derry, Maine. It all started when they got that call from Mike Hanlon. Mike had called them all one by one, he told them that they needed to come home, it was an emergency. The first one to show up was Bill Denbrough, the self proclaimed leader of the group the kids made. He was dressed in what you would expect a best selling author to be dressed in. A slack shirt that looked like it was slept in more times then it was washed and a pair of jeans that probably fit him proper when he was twenty four and fifteen pounds heavier, his hair was messy but Bill had a natural way of making messy hair look good. Unlike the second loser to walk in. None other than RIchie “ Trash mouth “ Tozier. He looked like he hadn't slept in at least four days. And given the size of the bags under his eyes this assumption was probably a very fair one. He was wearing an oversized button up hawaiin shirt that he probably got from a thrift store with a dark brown tattered jacket on top of it, a pair of hole-in-the-knee work jeans hugging his hips tightly. He wore a belt even though he didn’t need one. The next person to walk in smiled weakly as Richie all but screamed his name. “ Stanley mother fucking Uris! Stan the man! Bird boy! “ Rich had crossed the room while shouting happily and took his long lost friend in his arms. Not a stranger to showing maybe a little too much affection, Stan blushed softly as he hugged his long lost best friend back tightly. He was wearing glasses low on the bridge of his nose, looking a little like a librarian. He was wearing a shirt similar to Richie’s, with birds on it in various positions on branches and in flight. He had his hair combed back nicely but not to nice, like he tried a little but knew he was going to be with a group of boys, no, men that he hadn't seen in twenty seven years. Oh and Beverly of course. 

Beverly Marsh was a force to be reckoned with when she was thirteen, wild as she was beautiful. She was fierce and bold like her fire red hair, never scared to take on a fight with rocks or fist, cunning with her words and faster with her bike. She kept up with the losers at a pace unmatched by anyone else. And the world, sad as it was. Was not ready for the driving force of change that was Bev. When Beverly walked into the room it felt like when you step outside after it rains in the summer, the cold water causing the hot pavement to steam, and leave the air with the rich smell of wet dirt and cleanliness, the smile she gave the room was intoxicating. But the one she gave Richie was enough to rot the teeth out of every person in the restaurant. “ Richie trash mouth Tozier, is that you? Have you forgetten what a fucking hair brush was over the last twenty something years? “ Her smile reached her eyes, something Bev had not felt in a very long time. She could feel tears pushing up, but fought them back. He was just how she had seen him there in the quarry all those years ago, just a little older now. Handsome as the Devil with just as sly a tongue. Richie wasted no time busting off a joke before meeting her watering eyes with his own. “ Beverly the man killer Marsh. Have you been able to look in a mirror in the past twenty something years? Or have they all broken when you did. “ She was gorgeous. Not like Richie remembered her though. More grown up. She had grown into her body. Her long red hair stayed its vibrant color, Richie wasn't sure why he thought it wouldn’t. She was wearing a pair of jeans not to different than his, holes lining the knee. Although they looked more placed then wore in. Her top matched the aesthetic her pants set with a loose but not well worn look. Unlike Bill’s that had clearly been worn. “ The witchcraft business not treating ya so well? Souls of children too hard to come by now a days? “ They both giggle as they walked toward each other, crashing into one other with a thud as Rich grabbed the back of his friend head lovingly. Taking in the smell of smoke and cheap perfume. She sniffled softly in his chest, holding him close. “ I missed you, Rich. “ 

The last two men that walked through the door took the losers by surprise for two very different reasons. The first was Ben Hanscom, the “ fat kid “ that had been bullied for his weight almost the whole time the losers knew him, walked in wearing a fitted suit. Hair pushed back messily with a neatly trimmed but not shaved face. The only reason anyone recognized him was because of the sheepish face only Ben could pull. “ Hey guys, it's me. “ He paused for a moment, letting them take in the man that stood before them “ New kid. “ Beverly said absent minded. They both blushed before Richie ruined the moment. “ What the fuck Benjerman. When did you get so, I don’t know. HOT. “ Bev looked away blushing still, Bill looking at her with a sort of want he didn’t know he was hiding until that moment. Ben was handsome, but he and Bev had history. Right? It wasn't too long before the chatter between the six reunited friends came to a halt as a voice echoed through the restaurant, listing things that he could and could not have, punctuating on the fact that if he even came in contact with a cashew, he could realistically die. Almost in unison, five of the six members chanted “ Eddie “ as he rounded the corner, jaw dropping slightly as he took in the room of long lost friends before him. A soft smile replacing the perpetually worried expression Eddie was known to have. And then he saw him.

Richie was sure he had died in that exact moment. Because nothing else now until the end of his shit life would ever compare to seeing Edward Asmatic Krasback walk into that room. He was small, in both height and size. Skinny like he had always been. Thin with a kind of fragelness Richie had always felt the need to protect. He was wearing a button up polo buttoned almost all the way up with a dark red hoodie over top. Blue jeans hung loosely around his thin legs. Richie didn’t realize he was staring until Bev softly nugged his arm, winking at him. He shut his apparently open mouth and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Smiling at the man before him, wanting to move closer for some reason but not moving. Eddie stared back for a minute more before finally filling the awkward silence that controlled the room with his voice. “ Well, if this ain't a sight for sore eyes. I never thought id see any of you losers again. “ he giggled softly. Richie's heart ached, why? 

With a loud clang of the oddly placed gong. Richie had proclaimed loudly that the first official meeting of the losers club, had in fact begun. And begun it did. They sat around the table and Richie ordered everything on the menu. Beverly, who sat beside him had burst out laughing asking how he planned to pay for all of it, and was sent into hysterics when he simply replied he would just give them the number to the local animal shelter. Eddie had rolled his eyes and tried to avoid laughing at the sour joke, but found himself falling back into old habits. It was hard not to when you were surrounded by the people you loved the most. Ben and Bill had been talking about their very successful ventures in two very different business worlds when Stan decided to ask the rest of the losers what they did, Richie and Beverly sat with their fingers interlaced as Bev told the group of guys how she had picked up  
Fashion. Rich put on his best stereotypical gay voice and said mockingly “ Oh yas queen bee tell us all about your Fashion buisness! “ Stan elbowed him in the ribs as Ben and Bill giggled, Mike snickering as he took in the people he thought he had lost all those years ago. It went around the table like that, after Bev came Stan who was a nature photographer and did bird analytics. Bill watched as he talked passionately about what he loved, his heart fluttering a bit when he glanced over toward him and smiled. Next came Eddie who was a risk analyst. Basically he now got paid for what he did as a kid, then finally it was on to Mike, who blushed softly as all of his friends turned to look at him. 

He rubbed his head and smiled weakly just softly muttering “ I've stayed here all these years, I moved into the libary me and Ben used to go to after school to study in after the owner died a couple years after everyone left. “ The room was silent for a moment before Bev broke the tension. Her voice sweet as sugar as she spoke. “ Why didn’t you leave honey? Like the rest of us. There was never anything worth staying here for. Besides you guys of course. “ Ben blushed a bit and the rest of them shifted a little in their seats. Rich coming from the first of them to leave, no one said this though. Not even trash mouth. Bill cleared his throat and looked at Mike shifting awkwardly under the light in the room at seemed to have grown darker. “ why did you call us all back here Mikey, after all these years? “ The room grew heavy with a feeling none of them had felt in a while. Well, not this intensely at least. They had all felt it before they left. Bill felt it when he left his studio and convinced his producer it was more important for him to go to Maine to see an old friend then finish this move. Ben had felt it when he had to leave a business call worth more then the building he was sitting in because he was convinced he was having a heart attack. Beverly felt it when she was woken up in the middle of the night to her phone ringing, pulling her from a nightmare she wouldn’t ever talk about. Richie felt it when he ran outside, throwing up his late lunch before his last show in California, and Eddie when he of all people wrecked his car on his way to a work meeting. Stan had felt it in the living room when he was doing one of his favorite puzzles for the millionth time. The vibration of his phone throwing a piece of the puzzle onto the floor where he nearly cut himself with a loose razor blade that must have fallen out of his knife while he was working on another project. The mood had shifted so violently it felt like being ripped awake while having a good dream. 

This dream was about to turn into a nightmare. Silence, that's all there was for a long moment. Just uncomfortable, unbreakable silence. And then finally Mike spoke. The gruf in his voice becoming more apparent as he talked. “ I didn’t tell you all the full truth when I called.. It's just that I didn’t want you to not come at all. I need you here, as a group. As OUR group. “ Bill cut in, a slight stutter re-appearing in his voice. A trait that had all but vanished until now. “ w-wh-what are you talking about Mike? What could possibly stop us from coming out here to see you? To see each other? “ The rest of the losers looked around the room, trying to find answers to the questions they all had hidden in there friends faces. None of them had any. “ It's just that, “ Mike started again. “ IT’s back. “ just like that, the silence what shattered. The panicked but not sure why voices of three of the seven perked up. Richie, Eddie and Stan were all yelling gradually getting louder as they did over one another asking what the hell Mike was talking about, Ben was looking straight down at the bowl of fortune cookies none of them had bothered to eat and started calling softly to the others as one begun to move “ Guys.. “ His voice was drowned out by the wailing of the guys. Mike raised his voice above the others, standing as he did “ Listen I know its hard to believe but it's true. I've waited here, I have given up my life to wait here. To be able to defeat IT once and for all. Please guy just listen to me.. “ The others roared louder as Bev chimed in with them, all the while the stack of fortune cookies moved ever more. 

“ Guys im being serious what’s going on “ Ben cried as his friends argued behind him. And then suddenly they all stopped, not to look at Ben but rather the fish tank behind them that was now swimming with the heads of what they assumed was the children pennywise had killed twenty seven years ago, singing to the song that was now blasting in the overhead speakers. At the same time Ben let out a soft shriek as one of the fortune cookies final burst open, a dark black sludge like liquid seeping out of it and onto the table. “ What the fuck is that “ Eddie mummbled softly before taking a step back. Stan backed into Bill who wrapped his arm around him, pulling him close as Bev and Riche backed away from the table. A horrible scream coming from another fortune cookie. What looked like a half bald bird came crawling out of the cookie, thick lines of gore trailing behind it. Stan gagged and Bill covered his eyes like he was a child. In some ways he still was. Richie kicked the table as a third cookie cracked open to reveal a severed finger with a wedding ring on it, pale and muscular. Richie groaned and pulled back further, looking behind him to check where Eddie was. The horror show went on for what felt like at least another five minutes but was actually more like five seconds. Mike picking up a chair and beating the table violently screaming “ You're not real! This isn't real! “ before the scene vanished before them in an instant and the crowd that had gathered outside looked in at the group of adults screaming like children. Richie threw down a stack of bills and pulled his friends out behind him, head lowered to avoid the glaces of possible fans that knew him. 

When they got to the parking lot Richie let go of the hands he didn't realize he was holding. One was Bevs, and the others one Eddie Krasback. Even in the intense moment he could feel his face light up hot with embarrassment. Luckily no one seemed to notice, or maybe they did and didn’t care. “ What the FUCK was that Mike? “ Bill half yelled, still holding Stan close to him. “ That was what I was talking about! That was IT! Don't you see! “ Richie pushed Eddie behind him softly while moving in to get closer to the tall librarian in front of him, puffing out his chest a little on instinct. Something he would do when he was a kid and got into fights in the halls. He never knew why. Maybe it was the comedian in him trying to come through even when he didn’t want it too. It had a habit of that. “ I have glasses on and I still cant seem to fucking see Mikey, you drug all of us out here to this shit ass town again after all these years, not for a joyufl reuion but instead a group suicide. “ Richie had never been one to show his true emotions but he didn’t care right now. “ I love you all, and I would die for any of you. But I don’t want to actually die for you. I have a lot id like to live for still. “ His eyes darted toward the small man half standing behind him. Eddie caught his glance and looked down shyly. 

Mike stumbled over his words but eventually got out what he was trying to say. Bev had lit up the first of many cigarettes that evening in the pall light outside the chinse place they had trashed not long ago. It took a lot of convincing and a fair share of yelling and name calling to get them all to agree to at least stay the night and figure out what they wanted to do in the morning. When they got back to the inn Mike had rented out for them, Bev went straight to the bar. Ben following not long behind her. She poured a stout shot for herself, hesitated, then pushed the overflowing cup toward Ben who took it without a word as she drank from the bottle instead. They sat in silence for a while, as Bill rubbed Stans back in the foyer. Reminding him that this would in fact work out and they would all be okay. It was just some stupid trick. Richie sat outside in the brisk September air and lit his own smoke. Eddie coming out to join him, wrapping a blanket around both their shoulders. “ Eddie Spaghetti, always the gentleman I see “ Richie nugged him softly with his free arm and smiled. “ Fuck off asshole, or ill take the blanket back inside. “ Eddie looked at the taller man and bit his lip, the cast of the street light throwing a halo around Richie and his dumb brown curls and his dumb black glasses and those dumb strong shoulders and was Richie always this handsome? Or was it the lack of sleep and adrenaline that made Eddie wonder what cigarette smoke and egg rolls tasted like. “ Why are you staring Ed’s, do I have something on me face? “ Richie grinned down to his friend who blushed a soft pink “ Don’t call me that “ Was all he could manage before a drunk Ben stumbled out of the door, shattering the moment they had been building together. 

The smell of bourbon was so strong that Eddie physically recoiled when he came close, Richie waving his hand in front of his face as there friend grew closer “ Jesus Ben you smell like the less fun side of a Whore House. How much did you drink? “ Ben quite literally threw himself onto Richie then, causing him to throw his smoke to catch the lumbering drunk who had knocked his glasses on his way down, making them fall off. Eddie sat in silence before busting into a laughing fit at the sight. “ Ricchhhhh! Richie! Bro! My guyy! My ffrrriendd! “ Ben slurred. Richie struggled to hold him up and Eddie would be lying if he said he didn’t sneak a few glances at his old childhood best friends arms as he held the easily 175 pound man, and he would be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on at the thought that he could easily hold him at 140 pounds. He blinked the thought away turning his head, ears hot with blush. Rich pushed Ben back too his feet while standing himself, a few buttons undone on his stupid hawaiin shirt. “ I'm gonna take you back inside big guy, I think it's time for bed! “ Rich looked down at the general area he thought was Eddie and winked. Eddies face lit up and he was sure Richie could tell. 

The next day came and Eddie found himself leaning toward Rich as they walked to the quarry where they had met Ben for the first time. Stan pushed past them on more than one occasion to point out a bird to Bill who Smiled and looked back at Mike who also grinned at the enthusiastic man in front of them. Bill blushed a bit looking back toward Stan who happily pointed out another bird. Ben and Bev were also walking together, before long they had wandered into the woods where Bev had pointed to a clearing of trees “ Hey, didn’t we use to have a clubhouse around here somewhere? “ Ben's face lit up like a child on christmas day as he clapped his hands together and push forward, nodding as he did “ Yeah! We did, I remember because I built it! “ The rest of the losers walked behind him, Eddie felt Richies hand brush against his and felt his heart rate instantly go up as the taller man looked down at him, blushing a little himself. Before the smartass could ruin this moment too there was a loud crash and Ben was gone down a hole in the ground. The group ran toward him and he just gave them a thumbs up before standing and dusting himself off a little. “ Found it guys! “ The rest of the losers came down one by one, and it was like walking into a time capsule. Everything had been there just where they left it. The ball from the paddleball Eddie had broken all those years ago, Bens spare walkman laying on the makeshift table in the corner next to a pack of Bevs old Marbs. Bill picked up an old comic and laughed showing it too Richie who smiled so wide Eddie was sure he would drown in the shadow of the light that was Richie Tozier. Stan picked up a small tin container that said “ property of the Losers club. “ And opened it with care, a soft smile creeping from the corners of his lips. Bill tripped over himself and not his words for once. Mike smiled as he looked over his friends just having a good moment together. And let his smile fade a little as he cleared his throat and called them all closer. It was time to talk about the things that wouldn’t be as fun. Fighting the monster that had brought them all here to begin with. He took a deep breath before clearing his throat and speaking. “ I want to enjoy this moment as much as the rest of you do.. Really I do, but we have to start on what needs to be done to kill Pennywise. “ The room grew stiff, like all the life had been sucked out by a force greater than anything any of them could ever describe. Bill stepped up next to his childhood friend, a man he had looked up too for all those years. And put a calming hand on his shoulder. Nodding a bit as if too tell him without saying anything that it was okay. They were here and they didn’t plan on leaving, clearing his throat once more and began to speak, “ We all need to gather tokens from our past. Things that connected us then to not only one another but the the demon we must defeat together. “ Bills grip grew tighter on Mikes shoulder. He swallowed hard. “ I know it sounds scary, splitting up I mean “ Eddie cleared his throat and as if on cue Richie piped in “ It doesn't just sound scary, Mikey. It IS scary. Look at me, I’m in my forties and have not run for more then ten minutes since high school. “ Bev snickered a bit to break the tension and Richie slapped his stomach, puffing it out for good measure. Eddie looked a little too long, Richie looked at him and just winked. “ Fuck off “ Eddie whispered to comedian standing beside him. “ We’ll all split up and find our tokens, meet back at the Inn at sundown. “ Mike nodded, first to the losers and then to Bill in particular who still had yet to move his hand from the man's shoulder.  
It was a long five hours. But all Seven of the losers came back with there tokens. And Bill had returned with a very special extra item. None other then silver. Stan basically begged him to let him ride on the pegs. “ Its been years Big Bill, come on! Just one ride! “ It didn’t take much to convince him. Eddie was upstairs when suddenly the sound of a window crashing and “ GUYS “ came thundering through the house. Ben and Bev were the first ones us the stairs. Richie in his car getting a new pack of smokes debating leaving all together. But there was something he couldn’t stand to leave again. Why did he feel this burning in his lungs when he looked at Eddie. Why did it feel like someone lit five fires under his ass any time he was close to Ed’s. When he heard screaming he leapt from his car and ran upstairs, where he seen one blood covered small man sitting on the floor, hole in his mouth and pain in his eyes. 

Richie was back in his car faster then he had even been, Eddie in the passenger seat. “ I have to take him to a hospital! Look at his face, it looks like Ed Geins Pocket Pussy! “ Eddie sat in the passenger seat looking at the others with a bandage on his, face heart racing. “ Beep beep asshole, we don’t have time for him to go to the doctors though. We literally have a killer clown chasing us right now. “ Bev chimed in, petting Eddies un-injured cheek soft “ Sorry sweetie. “ She hummed looking at him with puppy dog eyes. Eddie nodded and looked back at Richie. “ Shes right Rich, we can go to the doctor after we kill IT. And thats saying something coming from me. “ Richie sighed and grabbed his friends hand, something that should have been innocent but in that moment sent a shock through his body like he grabbed an electric fence. He looked away to hide the red spreading across his face. They sat like that for a moment, Richie squeezing Eddies hand, chewing on his thumb looking out the window of his idling car before turning it off and getting out to join the rest of the group. 

They walked to Neibolt street and stood outside for a long moment. Eddie paced back and forth before looking at his group of friends and saying he couldn’t do it. Stan grabbed his arm softly and whispered, “ If I can, so can you Eddie. “ He gave him a smile that was understanding. But it was an understanding that Eddie didn’t realise he was looking for. An “ I know what your feeling, and im feeling it too. And its okay. “ Bill tumbled over his words for a moment before spitting out “ Lets go finish what we s-s-s-started. “ The rest of the group nodded and walked toward the house of horror. 

It was inside this house that one Richie Tozier watched the love of his life be impaled by the haunting clown that filled his dreams and crept at the corner of his vision. Eddie was dead above him, blood leaking from his mouth and eyes cold and still. Nothing he could do or say would bring him back. No matter how loud he screamed he would still hear Eddie screaming louder. Wait, but Eddie was dead, wasn't he? No. That was the voice of the Five Nine spit fire Richie had fallen for once twenty seven years ago, and again in the past two days. 

“ Welcome to the losers club, asshole! “ Is what he heard first, almost overlapped with “ Beep beep mother fucker! “ the sounds ringing in his ears like a gun shot. And then Richie was on the ground, still half asleep from being caught in the dead lights, and he could see Eddie on top of him. Wait, this was too familiar. He couldn’t let this happen again. Not for real. So with all the strength he could muster, Richie not only threw Eddie off of him, but also rolled in the opposite direction. The strike of Pennywise's weird claw like hard ripping the back of his shirt but not gravely hurting Richie. More so leaving him with a scratch then anything. Eddie looked at his best friend and started weeping. Its all he could manage to do. Once again he had almost been the reason the man he was pretty sure he was in love with almost died. It took the losers a while to get back together after they had been thrown apart from one another. Ben and Beverly came back covered in dirt and, what looked to be blood. Bill ran over to the others soaking wet and finally Mike came over. Sweating bullets as they hurried to a safe place thinking of what to do next, they were pretty much out of ideas. “ Lets just leave, fuck this place. It can burn in hell for all I care “ Richie spat out angrily, holding a shivering Eddie close to him. And then it was like a light went off in everyone's head at once. “ The passageway to the house. “ Bev beamed. “ If we make him follow us “ Mike chimed in “ He would have to shrink. All living things must abide by the laws of the body they inhabit. “ Stan tugged on the bottom of his sleeves nervously. “ But what if that doesn't work. What if he just gets bigger again before we can attack him. “ a silence fell between the group for only but a moment, before Ben spoke up. Timid and unsure. “ There is more then one way to make someone feel small.. “ They all looked at one another before climbing out of there hiding place, Bev starting the oncoming tirant of insults “ Hey! You stupid fucking clown! Thats right, were not scared of you anymore. You're just a circus joke that cant be anything actually scary! “ Ben stood up next, Pennywise screaming at him before been retorted with a scream of his own, “ I’ve seen scarier things in the streets of new york! “ And without hesitation Richie chimed in “ Ronald Mcdonlad scared me more as a kid! “ And just like that. All the losers where chanting insults at the monster. Making him grow smaller and smaller. 

It wasn't the way they had planned to kill the self proclaimed eater of worlds, but it would work. Mike literally ripping Pennywise’s still beating heart from his chest. The seven of them crushing it in their hands. And just like that, the Evil that had plagued this side of the US was now dead.. But they had bigger fish to fry. Like how the fuck they planned on getting out here. The walls had started to crumble and the ground shook beanthe them, Ben and Mike lead the was as Bev, Stan and Bill followed close behind. But Eddie didn’t move. He stood like a deer in headlights. “ Ed’s we got to go come on! We can talk about therapy together later, group sessions are probably cheaper. “ But he stood there still just looking at Richie. His eyes fixated on something that Rich couldn’t see. In his mind he would just lay down here with Pennywise and be swallowed by the earth. He was too much of a coward to do anything else. 

Richie had to literally drag him out of the crumbling house on Neibolt. And when they joined there friends on the surface all Richie could do was grab Eddie a little to roughly by the shirt and shout “ what the fuck dude, do you have a death wish? “ The rest of the losers looked on in silence, none feeling the right to say anything in this moment. “ I almost got you killed again.. I'm so sorry Rich. Im sorry “ Was all he could muster before the tears started rolling down his face like a title wave. And Richie felt his heart actually shatter. He pulled Eddie in close, being careful of his hurt cheek. Running his fingers through his hair like he did when they were kids and would lay in the hammock after Eddie had a fight with his mom. Something the other Losers never knew about. He shushed him softly as the house went up in smoke. The others gave them some space as Richie just held his quivering friend. They stood there like that for a long moment. Eddie breathing in the smell of blood, cooper like and sour, of dirt and moisture, and of his own salty tears. 

When he finally calmed down they all walked to the cliff together, took off their shoes and jumped in. Bev going first. Then Ben followed by Bill, Mike and Stan. Richie took off his shoes and went too jump before a gentle hand stopped him. Eddie was red before he had even said anything and Richie felt his heart rate increase ten fold. The sun was setting behind them and the way it cast light over Eddie made his head spin. He looked like an Angel, he was so soft but just cut enough to make Richie sweat a little. He had never been a religious man but he would pray to the god that was Eddie Krasback for the rest of his life if it meant he could have just a few more moments like this. Richie gulped maybe a little to loudly before saying softly “ What is it, Eddie my love? “ The words left his mouth before he could bite them back. And there in the setting sun after killing a monster with his six best friends, Richard Alan Tozier was sure beyond a reason of doubt that he was head over heels in love with Edward Ethan Krasback. “ Don’t call me Ed’s, asshole “ Eddie studdered behind a blush so dark Richie could have seen it in the dark. 

They swam in the pond for a while, laughing and talking like they did when they were young. Playing a game or two of chicken before getting tired and getting out, walking back to the Inn. Everyone went inside shivering cold and dirty. All but Ben and Bev who stood outside a little longer. Richie waited for the coast to clear and peaked out just in time to see Ben lean down to kiss Bev tenderly. He cheered and she laughed, been turning a shade of red Richie had never seen. Bill was walking with Mike toward the living room where Stan had a new bird puzzle spread out over the table. Happily pointing to the different birds and telling the guys what they were. And then there was Eddie. Looking out the window on the half landing that gave space to the stairs that lead up to the rooms. It was dark outside now and the stars sparkled bright. Lighting up the fresh night sky with a soft glow. Richie had thought about fighting the urge he had to touch Eddie, but decided to anyhow. Just in a more gentle way. Wrapping his arm around his back and putting his arm on the shoulder opposite of the one closest too him, pulling him in slightly toward him. Eddie jumped a little and looked up, stumbling over his words. “ Dude, what are you doing? You’re disgusting and smell like sewer water. “ Richie chuckled and squeezed Eddies shoulder in a way that made a chill run up Eddies spine. “ I thought stuttering was Bills thing, not you Spaghetti man. “ Eddie grunted but decided it wasn’t worth the fight. “ You’re such an asshole. But seriously you smell like shit. “ 

They stood there for a while in comfortable silence. Just looking at the night sky as it grew darker around them. The rest of the losers had either fallen asleep downstairs or gotten distracted with other things to bother coming upstairs which was fine with the two men inhabiting the space between the downstairs and the rest of the Inn. Richie finally moved his arm, letting it drop from Eddies shoulder and slide down his back, resting mid back before looking at him “ Well, I think I better shower. I have a hot date tomorrow you know “ Eddie looked at him confused, and before he could beg him not to day it Richie stretched “ Yeah me and your mom haven't hooked up in a while. “ Eddie wanted to punch him. But when he lifted his arms to stretch yet again all he could see where the way his arms looked so strong. “ Rich, can I stay in your room tonight. “ He spit out before his brain could stop him. Richie was at a lack of words. A almost never happening occurrence for him. “ Uh yeah of course buddy. Mi casa es su casa “ They traded awkward smiles headed up the stairs. Eddie stopping just before Richie opened his door. “ Ill grab some clean pajamas while you shower. “ nodding, Richie looked the man up and down without realizing it, Making Eddie grow a bit stiff, in more ways then one. “ Who the fuck calls them Pajama’s. Just call them Pj’s you freak. “ And it was gone. Why did he like this asshole again? 

When Richie closed the door he ripped his clothes off so fast that he nearly feel. It really was like getting ready for a date. But why was this time different? He had sleep overs with Eddie a million times before. Christ they used to sleep in Eddies tiny ass twin bed together, backs pushed against one other. Or the hammock. Legs intertwined, bodies pushed against one another.. No, it wasn't cool of Rich to think these things of Eddie. What if he didn’t feel the same? What if he didn’t like Richie like that. And on top of it all wasn't he married? The water was hot and felt good on his skin, the cut on his back burned a bit but it wasn't anything he couldn’t handle. Not to mention it brought him back to reality. He needed to get his head out of the gutter. Sure he could joke with Eddie but this was his best friend. And he didn’t want to fuck this up. Not now, not after so long of waiting for this very moment. And then he heard the door to his bedroom open slowly and softly, and he almost fell in the shower. Hearing the slipping and fumbling masked with short and soft “ fuck! “ and “ shit, god damnit! “ Eddie couldn’t help but giggle a little and say “ its just me Rich! No need to worry! “ He sat down on Richies bed and laid back. His shirt riding up a little as he did, Richies bed was soft. He closed his eyes and thought of Richie laying down next to him, Arms wrapped around his waist, hands running through his hair. Legs getting tangled together.. No, he couldn’t think of Richie like that. It wasn’t fair. Richie didn’t like guys, and even if he did, why would he like Eddie? He was always overly affectionate with the losers. Eddie could recall at least one time for every member that Richie had done something outside the social norm of what you would do with a friend, himself included. 

And then there was a soft shift in weight next to him. Not wanting to open his eyes incase this was in fact some weird dream, he just lay there. Richies voice came out smooth like whiskey with honey. “ Ed’s my love, are you asleep? “ The bed shifted a bit more and Eddie was suddenly very aware of Richies hand next to his exposed skin, the heat of the shower still rolling off him. “ No im awake. “ He said, covering his eyes with his bare arm. Taking a deep breath before sitting up and meeting the other mans gaze. “ How could I go to sleep knowing you might do something weird “ He smiled and Richie caved. It was slow at first. He moved his hand up to cup the other smaller mans face. Eddie just looked at him, praying that this was in fact real and not some joke from Pennywise. He still isn’t sure who moved in first, him or Richie. But it didn’t matter. Richie pressed his lips against Eddies with a hunger Eddie didn’t know he reciprocated. Richie’s lips where chapped, but his kiss was oddly gental. It was in fact Eddie that deepened it. Pushing back against the man with a tad more force, leaning into the kiss, into Richie. And then it just kept going. 

Richie was scared at first to touch Eddie. He didn’t want to push him further then he was comfortable with. He leaned into Eddie with a little more force, parting his lips ever so slightly to deepen the kiss more. Eddie replied with a soft bite to the bottom of Richies lip. Richie pulled back suddenly and Eddie began to panic, asking if hed done anything wrong or if it was too much. “Ed’s I need you too tell me right now how far you want this too go. “ Richie said in a tone that both scared and turned Eddie on “ What do you mean trashmouth? “ Eddie responded, panting softly from finally being able to catch his breath. “ I mean do you want to stop now? Because if you do some shit like that again im going to do something back and you know once i get in a grove i cant stop. “ Eddie blushed, and looked down, “ You know if this is too much I can just go next door to your mo-” Before the words could come out Eddie was back in action, kissing him like he didn’t know anything else. Richie moaned softly, squeezing the blankets below him, before moving one hand back to Eddies face, pulling him in close before testing his luck with his tongue. Richie’s mouth tasted better then Eddie thought it would. Like lemon toothpaste and rum. He could faintly taste the tobacco. Richie leaned in more to the man below him, putting one testing hand on his lower thigh, just above the knee. He was horny, but not an asshole. He didn’t want to make Eddie uncomfortable in any way. But when Eddie replied with a soft groan in Richies mouth he happily slid his hand up a little further. Gently he pushed his thumb into the fat of Eddies leg, and in response almost as if on comand Eddie spread his legs a little bit for Richie to work his hand up more. Eddie pulled away from the kiss and leaned his head back moaning Richies name and he groped his thigh. Arms wrapped around Richies neck as Richie started kissing his, starting off softly but slowly working up to little nibbles here and snips there. Eddies moans of pleasure where all Richie needed to keep going. 

He smelled like vanilla and spice, and he was so handsome. Richie shifted a bit and pulled on Eddies leg, getting his to sit in his lap on the edge of the bed. He stopped and looked at the man sitting in his lap, panting and dripping with spit, neck red from Richies grabbing. “ You look good on top “ Richie said, bitting his lip. “ but I bet you'd look better on your knees “ before Eddie could say anything, Richie was sliding his hands up the smaller mans back, feeling the way his shoulders moved as he held on to the other man for support. “ R-rich, i “ Richie pushed his arms up, slipping the shirt off the man in his lap. He wanted this to be special. But god did he want Eddie. 

He looked at him like hed never seen something so beautiful in his life. “ What is it baby, do you want to stop? We can stop. Anything you want “ Eddie simply responded by sliding his hand between the two of them, grabbing Richie with his free hand, a deep crimson crossing his face as Richie let out a groaning “ Fuck, Ed’s “ smirking at the feeling of Richies hard cock in his hand, he leaned in closer whispering in the otehr mans ear “ don’t fucking call me Ed’s “ before he started playing with Richie through his boxers. “ Fuck, Eddie baby you can’t just do this to a man. “ Richie moaned as he leaned back on his elbows, giving Eddie more space to work. Eddie bit his lip while rubbing Rich though his boxers, precum soaking the thin fabric between the two of them. It was the best feeling Richie had felt in a while. He had been with his far share of women, and men, but nothing had felt this good in a while. And the fun was just beginning. 

He sat back up pulling Eddie closer to him, grinding up into his palm. The sensation of Eddies hand tight around his cock, panting in his ear with his own hard cock pushing against the two of them was almost too much. So Richie did what any logical man would do. He grabbed Eddies ass with one hand, and wrapped one leg around him with the other, and pinned him against the wall, kissing him hard and grinding into him as Eddie moaned. “ you’re lucky that your face is hurt, i normally top. “ He said as he lowed Eddie, pushing him against the wall grabbing his pj’s and pulling them down, Eddie covering his face with his hand as Richie chuckles “ Guess you won the dick measuring content. “ He looked up to Eddie and smiled a sinister smile, before licking up the length of Eddies cock. 

The moan that Eddie let out with stay in Richie's head for the rest of his life. It didn’t take him long before he was shoving the head of Eddies dick into his mouth, sucking slightly at it while he pushed Eddie against the wall by his thighs. Eddie was a softie in the way it didn’t take much to make him moan Richies name, but that was alright with Richie. He slowly worked his way to taking the entierty of Eddies throbbing dick into his mouth, looking up at Eddie once he managed to gag it all down, Eddie just responded with “ Oh my fucking god, Rich. “ Before his knees buckled and he grabbed the back of Richie's head, and held him there, Richie drooling all over himself and Eddie, he pulled his head back and faced no resistance from the man above him, but his hand stayed on the back of his head, lacing his fingers into the taller mans hair, throwing his own head back against the wall as Richie worked him trash mouth in the best possible way. The heat was welling up inside Eddie faster than he would have liked it too, so in a half panicked state he more asked then commanded “ touch yourself Rich please, please touch yourself “ Richie let Eddies hard cock flop out of his mouth, using one hand to keep him stead, licking the other looking up at Eddie. “ You want me to fuck myself while I suck your cock, Ed’s? “ The way he could keep calm even now made Eddie lose it “ I want you to cum to the thought of me cumming in your mouth, yeah. “ Richie, taken back by the sudden boost of confidence from his partner took no time to oblige, taking Eddies cock back in his mouth and his own in his slicked hand, closing his eyes to imagine is was instead Eddie who was pumping him, moaning on Eddie while he did. Eddie buck foward as Richie moaned, fucking his face as Richie fucked himself below him. It didn’t take long for him to cum, filling Richies mouth as he moaned loud and low, quivering as he finished. Richie looked up at the man above him in total bliss, and climaxed as well. He swallowed and sat on the floor next to Eddie, who slid down the wall to rest his head on Richies shoulder, panting. Sweat dripping down his forehead as he looked over to his best friend. 

The sat there in silence for a moment, something not uncommon between them, before Eddie broke it, speaking so softly you would think he was at church. “ We should get cleaned up. I don’t want fucking to be the only half decent memory I have with you “ He looked at Richie, a smile playing on his lips. “ Youre an asshole “ Richie responded, before getting up, and helping Eddie get up as well. “ Yeah, I kinda am “ he responded, “ But im your asshole. “ They showered together, brushed there teeth and lay in bed talking about nothing and everything. Falling asleep only when the sun had started to rise again the next morning, they slept in late and went downstairs in the afternoon, passing Bill and Stan passed out on the couch still. Opening the door silently and slipping outside, they started walking. “ Wanna go to the kissing bridge? “ Eddie ask, not thinking anything of it. “ I haven't been there in a while “ Freezing for a moment, Richie just shrugs. “ Yeah, sure. Why not. “


	2. Summer of 90

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Contains the F slur, please be careful reading! <3
> 
> They only had a few weeks until summer break was here and they wanted to start planning for it now since it would be the last one they had with Bevvy. 
> 
> They played truth or dare that night at Bills.

It was the summer of 1990, almost one year after the losers had defeated the evil that was Pennywise. Things had somewhat gone back to normal not long after. The losers were closer then they had been before, Richie sneaking in to Eddies room almost every night to talk about homework he had “ forgotten “ to do the night before, and tell Eddie about the girl he currently had a crush on. Eddie always pretended it didn’t bother him. And on the days that he couldn’t hide the obvious frustration with his friend bragging, Richie would simply reply “ If you want to lock it down with me Ed’s just say something! “ To which Eddie, without fail would simply reply “ Don’t call me Ed’s asshole. “ 

Richie knew that he had a bad habit of being a little to much of an asshole with people sometimes, infact. Richie had a lot of bad habits. But this was by far one of the worst. “ What do you mean you don’t want to go to the dance with me? Have you seen Steven? He looks like a fucking clown that got side railed by the clown car. “ Rich didn’t have time to even chuckle at his own joke before a hot hand print was left on his cheek, and a teary eyed Linda was walking away, flipping him the bird as she did. Richie just stood there in silence. The rest of the hall pausing only for a moment to look at the 14 year old boy with the welting fingerprints on his face from probably one of the nicest, and most attractive girls in there grade. Richie had a bad habit of being an asshole. He knew this, but what else was he supposed to do when all eyes were on him? Just take the rejection and walk away, like maybe Mike or Ben would have? Tell her it was alright, Steven was much kinder and probably a better bet anyhow like Bill would? Just blush and nod like Stan? No, fuck that. He was going to show the world his distaste for the act regardless of the instant reaction, Richie had a trashmouth and he was absolutely not afraid to use it. 

Beverly had seen the whole thing go down and came walking up to Richie after the rest of the hall cleared out as the bell rang, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him toward the door to the soccer field that she convinced the janitor to leave open for them, incase she needed to run home to check on her dad that was, as Bev put it “ Sick in a way that needs constant surveillance “ The janitor, an older man with a soft heart didn’t ask for any of the details. Just nodded and told her that was fine but not to tell any of her friends. Richie followed behind in silence, rubbing his still stinging face softly as he listed to the squeak of there shoes on the polished linoleum below them. 

When they got outside without hesitation Bev pulled out a pack of Marlboro’s and handed one to her taller friend, Richie was handsome, but in a way that reminded Bev of the kind of guy you see on flyers and TV, the kind of guy that plays like he gets a lot of dates but is to busy to go on any of them. And she wasn't too far off from the truth. Rich would never admit that he knew he was attractive. And anytime Bev brought up the way his hair framed his face nicely he would tussle it, anytime she would say that the shirt he was wearing made him look handsome he would button it so one button was off and it made the shirt sit weird. The other losers thought it was just his way to be annoying, but Beverly could see through it. 

“Thanks for saving me back there, man killer. “ Richie said as he lit the cigarette. He looked toward the ground and kicked at some loose dirt while taking a long drag of the smoke, blowing it out of his nose before speaking again “ Why am I like this Bevvy, I really want to know. I don’t like always being mean to people. “ There was a silence between them that felt like it couldn’t be broke with any set of words unless they were just right. “ I think its because youre scared “ Beverly said with a soft, low voice. The one she used when it was just the two of them, away from the eyes and ears of the other losers. Its not that she had anything to hide from them about the relationship she held with Richie, she just wanted to keep them time they spent together in private, private. She trusted Richie more then any of the other losers because as much as he liked to talk shit, he was damn good at keeping a secret. 

The air was warm and the sun was beaming down on them when Richie crumbled like a snowball in summer. Putting his head down, hair nearly catching on fire from the cherry of his cigarette being to close to it, he wept. And they stood like that for a while, Bev taking another drag of her marb and rubbing her crying friends back softly as he just let it out. Richie didn’t make it a habit to cry in front of anyone, or to cry at all for that matter. But he trusted Bev. He knew she wouldn’t tell anyone. And he let the fear and anxiety of not being good enough pour out of him like a faucet turned on full blast. He eventually kneeled down to continue crying and Beverly was right there beside him like she always was, rubbing his back softly “ Its okay hunny, im right here. “ 

They went back inside after Richie had gotten his shit together and they smoked one more, not really talking much about anything other then stuff going on in school. They got back inside just in time for the lunch bell to ring, Richie changing the tone immediately from the one outside, slapping his stomach he had puffed out “ Got daym its about time they fed us inmates, I was ready to stab someone fora bite! “ He said in a mock southern accent, one eye closed. Bev laughed which made Richie smile, something he was happy he could do again. “ alright trashmouth, let’s go eat before you go all crazy on us. “ Bev put the back of her hand to her head, leaning on Richie who caught her mid fake faint, “ I’m too pretty to be on the back of a milk carton! “ They both laughed. 

Eddie paced around his locker for about three minutes after the lunch bell rang. Richie always met him here after math class and they walked together to the cafeteria. And Eddie knew that Richie was here today because he had seen him in third period shoving pencils in his nose while crossing his eyes to flirt with the girl in front of him, who laughed and made Eddies stomach turn. Why did he hate it so much when Richie was Richie with anyone but him? He didn’t know and didn’t have much time to think about it before Bill came over holding his backpack straps, smiling “ h-hu-hey Eddie, Where’s Richie? I haven’t s-shu-seen him really today “ Bill’s stuttering was starting to go away as they grew up more and more. It wasn’t that Eddie wasn’t happy for him, but it made him worry that maybe once he outgrew his stutter he would out grow the losers. 

Eddie stopped pacing and gave Bill a half assed smile and snapped, maybe a little to harshly “ I don’t know big Bill where IS the trashmouth, probably in the girls locker room looking through gym bags. “ Bill put his hands up, backing just slightly away from the small ball of anger “ Don’t bite my head of Eddie I was just w-wo-wondering. “ Eddie sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as Stan and Mike walked up, Mike slapping Bill’s shoulder before leaning on him, smiling as he talked. “ What is up my fellow losers, why are we standing in the hallway when we could be eating pizza right now again? “ He looked between the other four boys and they all shifted a bit awkwardly, Mike was also handsome. Growing into his looks. Fit from riding his bike more then the other losers. Sometimes Eddie wondered if he would ever look like that. “ Were waiting for Richie and Bev to show up “ Eddie chimed in finally, looking away as his face grew a bit pink “ I haven't seen either of them since this morning. “ 

And if almost on cue, Richie rounded the corner, Bevs hand in his. “ Awe does my little Eddie Spaghetti miss me that much! Sorry me and your mom had a meet up after class and. “ Bev elbowed him in the ribs and they both giggled. Stan rolled his eyes before saying “ You probably shouldn’t hold Bevs hand like that. “ Richie just looked down at their hands, fingers laced together before looking back to Stan and smirking “ Why, you jealous Stan the man. Want me to hold your hand? “ And just like that any awkward tension between the group melted away. They all walked to the cafeteria, hand in hand, Bill holding Mike’s, Beverly holding Richie and Stans, Stan having said before they embarked that “ if you’re going to force me to hold your hand at least let me be between Bev and Mike, I don’t want to touch Richie. “ To which Richie just replied with kissy faces. Stan looked away so no one would see him blush. Richie held Beverly and Eddies hands, Eddie groaning as they walked through the empty hall. 

When they got into the “ mess hall “ as Richie called it, they took their normal seats in the back corner and put down their stuff. Ben wasn’t here today, called in sick with the flu or something. They didn’t believe he was actually sick and invited him out to Bill's house after school anyhow. When they came back with there food, Bill asked the question on everyone's mind. “ What happened to your face? “ Bev tensed up and put a calming hand on Richies knee, as he spoke. “ I just got into a little lovers quarl with Linda is all, we agreed to disagree and go to the dance with other people. “ The group chuckled a bit and Bev squeezed his knee, her way of telling him it would be alright and she was still there if he needed her. They all talked a bit about girls ( And boys ) that they were into. Richie joked more then once about Eddies mom, and then once about Eddie. “ Yeah me and Ed’s are in a very serious relationship, isn't that right Ed’s? “ Eddies face was lit on fire “ Don’t fucking call me Ed’s and no we are most certainly NOT in any kind of relationship I wouldn’t trust you not to have every STD on the planet plus some that didn’t exsit before. “ The table burst into laughter. But Richie's eyes didn’t quite meet his laughter. Did Eddie say something wrong? They joked like this all the time. He wasn’t sure. But didn’t push it. Lunch came and went and they losers continued their day and all met up after school. They only had a few weeks until summer break was here and they wanted to start planning for it now since it would be the last one they had with Bevvy. 

They played truth or dare that night at Bills. 

It was actually Richie’s idea. Bill wanted to play some stupid card game but Richie had other things in mind, like getting his friends to confess to one other since he knew that over half of them liked one other. He never thought in any way that this would backfire on him, but then again Richie had a bad habit of thinking about things. Eddie asked the question, not thinking anything of it at first. “ Truth or dare trashmouth, “ He asked, a slight glint in his eyes. “ Truth Eddie baby. Nothing but truth from this guy. “ He said with a puff of his chest. Ben and Bev laughed, Stan rolled his eyes and Bill moved closer to Mike. They all felt good. Like nothing could ever come between them. 

“ If you had to kiss one person in this room right now who would it be? “ Eddie asked, the other losers gasping and giggling. Waiting to hear the snappy response from Richie. But it didn’t come for a while. Like he actually had to sit there and think about what he was going to say. Which for once, he did. He had to word this just right or the whole group would know his secret, his dirty little secret. The one that ate him up inside every time him and Eddie played chicken together and Eddie would sit on his shoulders, Richies hands on his bare skin, the one that threatened to end him every time Eddie would let him climb in bed with him and read comics, there bodies being so close he could feel Eddies heart beat. The one that he had to push down every time he offered Eddie a bite of food, and force himself not to lean in instead. 

“ Well come on smart mouth, the man of a million words is awful quiet now. “ Stan said in a snarky but not rude tone. He wanted too know just as much as the others apparently, because they had all leaned in closer to listen when Richie finally spoke. He normally like having all eyes on him but now it felt like he was under five times the light the deadlights gave off, and he was scared.” I think its because your scared “ Beverly’s voice rang in his head. That’s it. Hell just say Bev. It would be believable. The other losers already think they have a thing going on. So without another moment hesitation he said it. Maybe a little to excitedly. “ Beverly man killer Marsh. No offence to you guys but none of you are really my type. “ He said, winking at the room full of guys “ Liar. You're a big fat liar. “ His mind screamed as he looked at the faces of his friends. And then he got to Eddie. Whos face was also, upset? Why would he be upset though. He didn’t have time to ask because it was on to Stan who then asked Bev truth or dare, and before she could respond he dared her to kiss Richie. 

The room was still for a moment. Ben squeezing his fist close in what seamed to be anger, which was weird for Ben. And Eddie looking away awkwardly as the others sat looking to one another. “ I didn’t fucking choose dare Stan, what the hell? “ Beverly had stood up, clearly annoyed. “ Well Richie said he wanted to kiss you so I don’t see what the big deal is. “ Stan snapped back with venom in his voice. “ Richie stood then as well, pulling his smokes from his back pocket. “ I think its time me and miss man killer went out for a smoke. “ Stan didn’t back down “ Why so you can make out in peace? Fat chance. “ Beverly was clearly annoyed at this point, face flush with anger. “ Fuck you Stanley “ she said, biting back tears before walking away. Richie and Ben followed. Richie got to her first, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. “ Bev when I said that I didn’t think “ Beverly shrugged him off, not looking up from the ground. Her hands were shaking, making the cherry of her cigarette bounce up and down. “ Maybe you should just leave me alone, Richie. “ was all she could say before Ben was outside with them, breath hitching as he pretended he was okay. Richie just nodded to himself and walked home without a word to the other losers. Ben stayed to comfort Beverly. No one came to comfort Richie. 

Eddie sat at his house the next day alone. It was a saturday and none of the losers had come by and thrown rocks at his window, a sure sign to tell his mom he was leaving and then convince her that he wasn't going to get hit by a car or bit by a rabid dog and that he would remember to take his medicine. But they never came. And so he sat there in silence, looking out the window and wondering how Richie was. He hadn't seen him since the truth or dare game last night. Which was odd because he normally came over after they all split off to hang out a little longer. Eddies room felt empty without him in it. Eddie wasn’t sure why he longed for Richie to be around so often, he thought about the time they were at the arcade together and Bowers caught them standing a little to close together. “ Oh look at the little faggot boys playing princess games together. “ He snapped, his goons laughing behind him. “ Why don’t you fairies go back into the woods where you belong and get the fuck out of my arcade. “ Richie stepped in front of Eddie then, standing up tall to face Bowers. “ Why don’t you go suck your dads cock some more, bow-” He couldn’t finish before Henry had clocked him, blood running down Richies nose. 

They ran together to the lake they would often play in together with the other losers, Richie holding Eddies newly cast free arm as he walked “ Fuck that guy, like seriously FUCK Henry Bowers. He could get hit by a bus in front of me and I wouldn’t care. “ Richie huffed. Eddie hurried behind him, skipping a bit to keep pace. Rich had long legs and took long strides. Eddie found himself looking at Richies legs more then hed like to admit. When they got to the waters edge Richie all but ripped his shirt off, then kicked off his shoes and socks. But left his shorts on. Something that normally never bothered them. Eddie followed suit, folding his clothes into a neat pile and placing them on the bank of the lake. They splashed around and laughed together for a while. All but forgetting the incident at the arcade as the blood washed off Richies face. He was so handsome, Eddie thought as they floated in front of each other, Richie was telling some joke Eddie didn’t really care about. All he could see was the way his friends lips moved in the water, how his cheeks pushed up his glasses when he smiled. How his brown eyes sucked in the sun to cast a million stars in the world that lay behind Richies to thick for his face glasses. 

“ Ed’s why are you staring. Wanna kiss me or something? “ Richie joked as he swam a little closer to Eddie. A deep crimson rushing to Eddies face as he backed away “ What, no! Don’t be gross. I would never kiss a trashmouth! “ Eddie squaked as Richie grew ever closer. Shit shit shit shit. Did he know? If he did how? Eddie couldn’t risk messing their friendship up, not like this. So instead of facing his fears he ran from them, backing up more. “ I should be getting back home anyhow its getting dark and my mom will be worried if im not home soon. “ Eddie said as he scrambled backward out of the water, turning to face away from his friend he left “ come over later if you want? “ He called back over his shoulder as he put on his clothes, shorts first. Richie was silent. 

He did end up coming over later that night, after Eddie had left him alone at the lake. Not looking back to say goodbye just leaving. He only stayed for a hour or so though, nothing compared to his normal hours long stays, he didn’t even bring a comic for the two of them to read while Eddie complained about Richie taking up to much of his personal space. They just talked about school and how home life was. When Richie left that night it didn’t feel like when he normally left. The kind of cold you feel when you’re home alone and have to turn on all the lights. It was the kind of loneliness that consumed you. That made you wounder if you would ever spend time with another human again. 

And thats how Eddie felt now, sitting in his bed looking out the window at the waisting away perfect summer day. Asking himself if it was something he said last night, or something that Stan had said. Would this be the end of there friendship? Or just a road bump along the way? He didn’t know but he didn’t like it either way. He just wanted to be with his friends playing games or hanging out in there club house, laying close to Richie.. No, why was all he could ever think about Richie? There wasn’t even anything that great about him.. Other then the fact the he always smelled dangerous and Eddies mom hated him, There was no good attributes about him other then the fact he would literally get the shit beat out of him then let his friends get hurt. There wasn't even anything attractive about him other then the fact the he towered over Eddie and had strong arms and a soft but manly face and those eyes.. God those eyes. “ Are you fucking kidding me, “ Eddie thought. And then he thought about it again. And then, for not the last time in his life but the very first. He said it “ I’m in love with Richard Alan Tozier. Fuck. “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ive decided that I am going to invest way to much of my time into this fan fiction and write a lot. So have some good childhood angst! I hope you guys are enjoying it so far, the more I write the more comfortable I get, so hopefully it only gets better from here!


	3. Stay with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of seemingly nowhere there was a loud buzzing and chime sound, making Eddie jump with surprise, making Richie let out an actual laugh. “ Who is it Eddie spaghetti, the rest of the lovers finally wake up? “ Richie called to Eddie, who seemed to be completely taken out of the moment. Sucked into another world. The caller I.D. simply said Myra.

The walk to the kissing bridge took what felt like at least fifteen years. Richie stuffed his hands into his pockets, kicking the dirt in front of him any chance he had, not making much of an effort to talk to the man walking beside him. “ You just fucked him, and now you can't even talk to him? How pathetic. Beep beep. “ He thought to himself groaning, catching Eddies attention finally. “ Youve been really quiet this whole time, which is really uncharacteristic of you. Is everything okay trashmouth? “ Richie stopped, pushing his hands further into his pockets. “ Yeah Eddie spaghetti, its all green lights over here. “ 

The tone wasn't right, it wasn't Richie at all. Eddie stopped a bit in front of him, looking up at the taller of the two and furrowing his brow a bit, chewing on his bottom lip. “ Rich is there anything you want to tell me? “ Richie stood there still, chewing on his thumb not looking at Eddie. “ Nah I'm just peachy Ed’s lets just keep going. “ Richie started walking again before Eddie grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks. Tugging on his arm slightly to make him turn to face him. 

They stood there, just looking at one another for a while. Eddie once again finding himself lost in the light brown eyes that are Richie Toziers. He had a bad habit of just getting caught up in looking at Richie, whether it was his eyes, or his arms, the way his hawaiian shirts always kind of hung off him loosely, giving the impression he was bigger under them then he really was. The way he wore skating sneakers so he looked cool but could run into battle if need be. The way he always folded his arms, pushing his fingers into the muscles he tried to hide from everyone else. The moment was broken when Richie finally cleared his voice, getting a starring Eddie to snap his head up and meet Richies, a soft blush dusting his face. “ See something you like, Eddie my love? “ Eddie frowned, something he had to force himself to do before looking away, a deep red covering his face spreading up to his ears. “ Shut up asshole, I was just lost in thought is all. “ 

Richie walked up to Eddie this time, taking the little spit fire in his arms, wrapping them around his shoulders loosely, leaning his head on one of his arms before whispering into Eddies ear. “ What did you want to ask me, darling? “ Eddie had to bite back a soft groan from the position of Richie, the taller man leaning heavily against his back. It's not that he didn’t like feeling the weight of Richie on him, it's just that the weight of Richie against him made Eddie want to melt into the ground, melt into Richie. 

Richie bit his lip, not just to bite back a snarky comment but to hold back the sudden onset of emotions rushing out all at once, he had been through so much in the last three days. From seeing the love of his life die in his arms to actually killing the monster that had tormented him and his friends for so long. His grip tightened around Eddie for a moment, pulling the shorter man closer to him, before he buried his face into Eddies neck. Eddie jerked a little at first. Not sure what to expect next. What he was absolutely certain of though was that he was not expecting Richie to start crying? 

Eddie stood there, holding his crying friends arms as he just let him weep, the warm feeling of tears hitting his neck and then cooling as they rolled down his back sent shivers down his spine, and gave him goose bumps on his arms. He didn’t speak but instead moved himself from Richie's arms, pushing them softly aside so he could turn to face him, before taking him into a hug. Wrapping his arms around Richies waist as Rich put his arms under Eddies, burying his face back into Eddies neck. Eddie rubbed his back softly for a moment, not wanting to take this moment of vulnerability away from them. They had only had a few embraces like that. But these things can only last so long with Richie, the man who allows himself no emotional vulnerability. “ Ed’s I love ya but you make an awful tissue. “ He said, pulling back, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. 

Eddie recoiled when Richie tried to wipe his snot covered hand on his shirt, and before they knew it they were both laughing again. Richies other talent in this world, he could make any semblance of sadness leave the room, all with a joke or two. A talent more than one of the losers joked on occasion they wished they had, a talent which carried a heavy burden on Richie. Always falling on him to make sure everyone was alright. Always on him to make sure the group stayed together. He closed his eyes, throwing his head back in a mock hearty Paul Bunyan laugh, Eddie with his hands on his knees weezing with laughter. Out of seemingly nowhere there was a loud buzzing and chime sound, making Eddie jump with surprise, making Richie let out an actual laugh. “ Who is it Eddie spaghetti, the rest of the lovers finally wake up? “ Richie called to Eddie, who seemed to be completely taken out of the moment. Sucked into another world. The caller I.D. simply said Myra. 

“ I have to go Myra, i’m sorry but this is really important. My friends are in danger! “ Eddie yelled down the stairs as he started toward the bedroom, packing his bag with enough clothes to last him a month. Always the serial over thinker, he wanted to be ready for anything. “ You need to come home, It’s back “ Mikes voice rang in Eddie's head over and over. A million memories hitting him like a title wave all at once. “ But Eddie Bear it's dangerous! What if you get hurt and im not there to help you? I can't bare to think of what might happen to you! “ Myra yelled up the stairs in return. Starting the acend up them, The floorboards creaking with each step she took. Eddie stood in front of the closet then, looking at a shirt he forgotten he even had until now. Never really sure why he had kept it all these years. It wasn’t like he would ever wear it. A light blue hawaiian shirt with blue palm trees and flowers over it sat in front of him on the hanger, a flash of a memory crossing his mind. One of a boy in a similar if not the same shirt, Eddie being on the ground.. His train of thought was interrupted by Myra coming into the room and slamming the closet door shut in Eddie's face, a stern but sad look on hers. “ Eddie I refuse. " was all she said. 

He left that night at 7:45 and was on a plane to Derry, Maine by 9:00pm 

Contact with Myra since he left had been on halt, for a lack of better words. He turned his phone off when he got on the plane and didn’t think to turn it back on until they had left this afternoon to go on there adventure, thinking maybe if any of the other losers needed them, they would have a way to contact them. When he clicked answer on the phone he didn’t even have time to say hello before the onslaught of questions begun “ Eddie Bear finally! I was so worried about you, I haven't heard from you in days. I thought maybe something had happened to you, you have to come home at once Eddie Bear I need to make sure you're okay. “ Eddie just held the phone away from his face, looking down at his left hand for a moment before looking up at Richie who just stared at him. 

Eddie looked the love of his life in the eyes, finally addressing his wife. “ Myra i’m sorry I haven't had a chance to call you, i’ve been very busy over here, I told you it was an emergency. “ Richie stuffed his hands back into his pockets, all the color leaving his face as he looked down at his shoes. “ I don’t care what's going on there I need you here, home with me. You’re my husband after all Eddie Bear. “ A sharp quick snort left Richie as he bit his lip, looking at Eddie with anger in his eyes, voice laced with arsenic. “ Yeah, Eddie bear. Better run home to your mommy. “ Was all he said before walking away, this time leaving Eddie to watch him disappear from sight. 

Eddie stumbled on his words as Myra shouted in the background, asking who was talking and where he was. “ I have to go Myra i'll talk to you later “ He said before hanging up before she could get in another word. Chasing after Richie had never been something Eddie thought he'd find himself doing. Not to say that he wouldn’t follow him to the ends of the earth. But because he never seen himself in a position where he would need to chase Richie. He was fumbling over himself as he followed behind Richie, arm stretched out to grab his coat, calling his name as he reached “ Richie, Richie wait please, I can explain. Rich! “ But Richie didn’t stop, didn’t turn his head to spit venom toward Eddie, didn’t even grace him with a huff or shift of his shoulders. Just kept walking. Richie was taller and therefore had longer legs, and when he wanted to get somewhere it wasn’t hard for him to stride there in a pace someone smaller would have to jog in order to keep. This was only amplified when he was upset Eddie found out. He watched Richie vanish into the distance, screaming for him to stop but not being able to keep up because the clutch of his asthma was holding his lungs tight. He stopped, ripping his inhaler out of his jacket pocket and taking a long drag from it. Of course he hadn’t only brought one. 

Richie lit up a smoke once he stopped hearing Eddies footfalls behind him, and then another once he heard his cries for him fade into the wind. He walked through the park they had spent their summer afternoons, eating ice cream together on the bench. Richie always trying something different and Eddie always getting plain old vanilla. He walked past the tree they laid under on warm days and the jungle jim they played king of the hill on, and finally he walked past the part of the park him and Eddie sat during the cool summer nights, pointing up toward the stars and counting fireflies, laying a little to close for just friends, Richie’s long legs overlapping Eddie’s, Richies glasses pushing into the top of Eddie's head when he'd lean over to tell Eddie a joke, Eddie's hair tickling Richies nose when he leaned in a little too close. 

The rest of the losers woke up, went about their “ mornings “ And just about went into full panic mode when Eddie came bursting through the doors to the Inn talking at a million miles a minute. “ Guys I need help I really think I fucked things up Richies gone and I can't find him anywhere please help. “ Beverly shot up and was standing next to Eddie first. Rubbing his arm softly asking in a calm voice, the calmest she could muster. “ What happened Ed’s, why do you think you fucked up? “ The other losers slowly gathered around the small man, Stan placing a calming hand on his shoulder. Mike and Bill on either side of Stan, and finally Ben standing in front of him, Eddie looked around the room of his friends, took a deep breath and fished something out of his pocket. The room was silent for a moment before Stan finally spoke, “ you have to be kidding me. “ Eddie held out a golden band, thin and shiny. “ I’m married. “ 

Beverly left first, tossing her jacket on while she ripped open the door. She hadn’t said anything before she left. Just let go of Eddie and slid on her shoes. Stan and pulled Mike aside to talk to him about something, what Eddie wasn’t too sure. But they kept looking toward him. Bill paced back and forth running his fingers through his hair and not long after Beverly left Ben was out the door, petting Eddie softly on the shoulder simply stating “ If anyone knows where he'd go, its Bev. “ Eddie bit back tears and just nodded. He sat at the bar and for the first time in a while poured himself a strong shot of whiskey. 

Beverly walked through the woods at breakneck speed, she knew her best friend even after not remembering him for nearly thirty years. And she knew where he would go to hide away when he was feeling bad. The club house was in a spot in the woods that was less than ideal to run through. But Beverly didn’t care. She knew Richie had dark thoughts. She knew that Richie didn’t care about himself as much as he cared about the other losers, especially Eddie. So she ran through the woods until she found the trap door to the club house and she all but threw herself down the stairs, making a crashing sound the jerked Richie upright from his resting position in the hammock, looking at his friend with confusion as she rushed towards him, throwing herself into him with a hard thud. Sending him hurtling backward in the hammock, grabbing it with one hand and Beverly with the other. 

She held him so tightly he though his lungs might collapse. And then he thought of Eddie and wished she would hold him tight enough that they did and he would be free from this. When Bev finally broke free from Richie, she didn’t say anything and just climbed in the flimsy hammock with him. Pushing him over a bit to lay beside him, no protest was met as Richie opened his arm to let Bev situate herself into his chest, wrapping a hand around his waist. She could feel his heart thumping rapidly against his ribs and lay her head to his chest, listening to the quick thud of his heartbeat. “ I’m so sorry Rich “ Is all she said. Its all she needed to say. “ Me to Bevy. “ Was all he could reply. 

Ben came crashing down into the club house not long after Bev had arrived, and neither bothered to look up to see who it was, Richie had wrapped his arms around Beverly as they lay there in the dark of the club house and said nothing. She had started to fall asleep, Richie could tell because her breathing had evened out a bit, and she had grown heavier on his chest. He simply lay there staring at the ceiling, playing out the scene on the road to the kissing bridge on repeat in his mind. The feeling of his heart breaking into a million pieces rippling through him like a stone hitting the water. Ben walked over slowly to the two, looking first at Beverly, who sleepily looked back, shaking her head in response to some conversation Richie was unaware was going on. Ben then looked to Richie, kneeling down beside the hammock to be more on eye level with the two, speaking softly. “ Richie, were all worried about you. I think you should come home.. To the Inn I mean, so we can talk. Eddie, hes “ Richie shifted then, making Beverly move with him or risk falling from the hammock. “ Eddies what, Haystack? Sorry that he lied to me, to all of us about having a fucking wife. Not even a casual girlfriend he sees on the weekends, a goddamn WIFE. “ Richie raised his voice, sitting up more “ do you wanna know something Big Ben? About Eddie and his feelings? He’s full of shit, always has been. The bastards in so deep he can’t even tell what emotion he's feeling. “ Richie cringed at his own words. Talking about Eddie like this stung. He didn’t want to feel like this. But how else was he supposed to feel? 

Eddie sat in the room, holding his wedding ring in his hand, rolling it between his fingers while the images of his and Myra’s wedding played out in his head. It had been a small wedding consisting of only Myra’s family. It's not exactly like Eddie had any of his own, his father died of cancer when he was young and his mother passed a few years ago. Of what he wasn't sure. But didn’t much care. He didn’t have any friends, and if he had they wouldn’t have been invited anyhow. Myra insisted on it being as small as possible. To ease any idea of something going wrong. He wore a plain black suit, not uncommon from the ones he normally wore to work. She was in a simple white gown, carrying a bundle of fake flowers. “ Real ones are to risky, what if you're allergic to some of them? I can't have that. Not on my big day. “ 

The memory was cut short when a knock echoed through his room, making him jump and hurriedly put the ring back in his pocket. It's not like it mattered now, the cat was out of the bag. But he still felt guilty having it out. Standing slowly he walked to the door, cracking it just a bit to ask who was there before opening it all the way “ Its just me, Eddie “ Stan said softly, pushing on the door. Eddie let him in with no questions and simply took his seat back on the edge of the bed, looking at his hands. Thinking of the night he shared with Richie before all this. “ Eddie, I know this is going to sound harsh. But what the fuck? “ Stan stated bluntly. Eddie, taken back by Stans question just looked up at him, eyes wide and mouth agape, not sure how to respond. Stan continued. “ I know things are weird, and coming back here after so long of not talking is also weird.. But what you and Richie have, “ Stan trailed of a bit, looking away. A soft blush covering his cheeks “ We could all see it, the way you looked at him. The way he looked back, Beverly called it first. “ Stan laughed, running his fingers through his hair. Putting his free hand in his pocket back turned to Eddie. “ I know that feelings can be awkward sometimes Eddie. But its not fair to him, you need to be honest with not only yourself but him about what you want to do, where you want this to go. “ Stan now had both hands in his pockets, turning to face Eddie who had his wedding band back out, rolling it between his fingers. He stayed silent until Stanley left. 

Richie came back in around 11 that night. The rest of the losers had left Eddie a note saying they had run out to the store and didn’t want to bother him, so they had left him be in his room. Richie tossed it back onto the bar where it had been left and grabbed the first bootle he could find. He drank the entire thing, and then pinked up the next. And the next, until he had finished two and a half bottles of whiskey to himself. The world was spinning around him as he slammed the half empty bottle down and pushed himself out of his chair. “ Fuck feelings, and fuck Eddie Krasbrak. “ He stammered as he swayed at the bar. Hands planted firmly beside him as he held himself upward. Eddie stood on the middle platform of the stairs and looked at Richie. 

Richie finally turned and seen Eddie standing at the top of the stairs, glaring at him as he started on his journey toward the stairs, Eddie walking down to great and possibly help him, Richie slapping his hand away when he offered it. “ Fuck you, asshole. “ Richie slured, his breath heavy with the booze he was self medicating with. Eddie winced. “ I don’t need you’re fucking help.” Richie pushed himself upwards on the stairs, wobbling as he did, the force of gravity threatening to bring him down with even one misstep. Eddie simply followed behind him. Richie didn’t shut up, “ I don’t need anyone's help. I can hurt myself on my own. “ He pulled himself up to the middle landing and stopped. Looking out the window, remembering in his drunken haze the time the two of them spent there last night, and pinching the bridge of his nose under his glasses to save from breaking down on the spot. 

Eddie walked with Richie all the way to his room, following him in and shutting the door behind them when Richie left it open. Richie fell backward onto the bed and Eddie sat beside him, facing the wall. “ Rich, I can explain “ He said, not sure why. Everyone knows you can’t reason with a drunk. “ I don’t care to hear it right now Eddie Spaghetti “ Richie responded, half asleep. He took a deep breath before sitting up, rubbing his eyes under his glasses “ Let me tell you something instead. “ He looked at Eddie, a hurt in his eyes so deep, Eddie was worried he would fall into them and be lost forever. “ I gave myself to you last night because I wanted something to remember you by other then the whole, killer clown thing. You were my best friend when we were kids, I would get into a thousand more rock fights with Henry Bowers if it meant defending you. But now I have to live with the fact that I not only fucked my best friend, But I fucked a married man. “ Eddies heart hit the floor, he was sure he heard it thud against the wood. “ Richie please, “ Richie waved a finger and then went on “ I wont say I regret it, because i'm not a liar. But I will say I wish id known. “ Richie laid back down then, covering his face with his arm. “ Now please leave my room, I need to be alone. “ And so once again, Eddie ran from his problems. And Richie dreamt of happy ever after with someone who was already there. 

Hangovers are already bad, but when you basically tell the love of your life that you wish you hadn’t slept with them and have a hangover, they tend to be worse. Turning the cold water all the way up Richie stood in the shower with his clothes on, too tired to take them off but too desperate to clean himself of everything that was last night to ignore the open bathroom. They were all supposed to go home today. He imagined Ben and Bev had already packed and where on their way, And was certain Bill was on a plane back to wherever it was he was heading. He stripped naked in the shower, water still running cold and didn’t get out until he heard a knock on his door. “ Its me Rich “ Beverly called as he wrapped a towel around his waist. Walking to the door cold water dripping from his wet hair. “ Im naked “ He shouted back “ Bev opened the door and simply put a hand over her eyes, reaching in front of her “ I wanted to say goodbye but didn’t think it was that kind of going away party “ She joked. Richie chuckled and headed back to the bathroom, clean boxers at least in hand. “ Alright man killer, you caught me, I was trying to get lucky at least once on this trip “ Richie joked back, walking out in his boxers, moving her hand from her face “ Hey pretty lady “ Beverly teased, pinching Richies cheeks. 

They sat on Richies bed and talked about the plans Bev had with Ben. How she was going to leave her old life in favor of a new one with the man she loved. It made Richie wish he could have the same, but he smiled despite the ever growing hole inside his chest. His back ached. The wound was healing, slowly, but what stung more was the constant reminder that he laid his literal life on the line for someone who couldn’t even be honest about his home life. “ I'm going to miss you, Rich. Please come and visit us alright? You're always welcome. Just leave the paparazzi at home. “ They both laughed. 

Saying goodbye to the other losers as they left one by one was the hardest part of the entire trip. Richies flight didn’t leave until late that evening, and the only person left with him was Eddie, who had locked himself in his room all day. Richie looked at the door to his room for a solid thirty minutes before knocking. 

Eddie just sat there. He knew it was Richie, all the other losers has already came by and said goodbye. Bev giving him some advice on dealing with situations that may seem hard, but are better in the long run. He held her hands tightly as they shared a mutual understanding that both of them married the person they spent all their childhood trying to run away from. It was never said out loud, but then again some things didn’t need to be spoken to be heard. The bruises on Beverly and the constant frantic calls after the night of the confession from Myra told more then enough. Another knock rattled the door, this one a little more stern and forceful. Eddie just sat there, not finding the will to make himself stand. He had stared at his phone for a long time, looking at the last text he had sent to Myra “ May be late coming home, Flight got delayed. “ It was a lie, but he didn’t want to leave yet. He couldn’t leave yet. There was too much left unsaid. Finally Richie just walked in the room, clearing his throat before grumbling “ Knock knock. “ Eddie looked away, phone buzzing angrily beside him “ Might wanna get that “ Richie said, pointing toward the vibrating thing. Eddie just shrugged. 

Before Richie could say anything, Eddie for the first time in his life took the first step. Grew a pair and confronted his fear. “ I don’t love her, Rich. Not like I should. “ The words tumbled out of his mouth like the vomit Richie held during his and Mikes call. “ I married her because it was what I thought I had too do. Its what my mom would have wanted me to do. “ Eddie fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, and Richie swore for a moment it looked like the Blue hawaiian one he lost all those years ago, one of his favorites. 

Richie sat down beside Eddie, placing a calming hand on his shoulder, telling him it was alright to go on “ I was worried that if i told you guys, that you might make fun of me. For basically marrying my mother. “ He looked up at Richie, his expression of grief and hurt. Richie returned the look and scooted a bit closer, there thighs touching now. “ I can’t say that I will go home and instantly fall back into place. Not after everything we had happen. But I also cant say I won’t fall back into some sort of the same habits. “ He was looking at his shoes now, twirling his fingers and tapping his foot, worry written along the entirety of his body. “ Deep breath Ed’s its alright. You can talk to me. “ Richie said calmly, as he placed a gentle, if not risky hand on Eddies knee, Eddie looked at Richies hand, then Richie. Making eye contact that lasted a moment before he spoke again. “ What am I supposed to do Rich? “ 

They bother finished packing around the same time, and got into Richie's car to drive to the airport. Eddie looked out the window the whole time. Thinking of what to do next. How was he expected to just go home to his normal life after this? Richie used just his left hand to steer, and let his right sit beside him, propped up slightly on the center console. And Eddie wanted nothing more than to grab it. To lace their fingers together and just hold his hand. But he knew that he shouldn’t. The kindness Richie had shown him in the bedroom earlier had been Richie just being Richie. He would have done the same to any of the other losers after they had gotten into a fight. Eddie looked out the window again, daydreaming of the night they had together. The way Richies skin tasted, the way his hands felt against his, The way his mouth tasted like tobacco and mint toothpaste. He looked back toward Richie, and asked out loud instead of in his head “ Do you miss it. “ 

Fuck. 

Richie just looked over toward Eddie, a confused expression crossing his face, he moved both hands to the steering wheel. “ Miss what? The clown, the losers? You’re mom “ Richie was looking straight ahead but Eddie was looking dead at Richie. “ The hammock, the closeness, the other night. “ Richie hit the breaks then, in the middle of the empty road.” What did you just say? “ Eddie took a deep breath and looked at Richie, a dark blush creeping across his face. “ the other night, you said when you were drunk you don’t regret it. But i want to know if you miss it. “ They looked at one another for what felt like hours, the street light dancing of Richies glasses, making a glare over his eyes so Eddie couldn’t see them. He wanted to take Richies glasses off. 

Richie snapped back to reality when a car came up behind him and laid on the horn, reminding him that he was parked in the middle of the road and not somewhere that he could realistically sit, so he hit the gas a little too hard and they shot down the road at least fifteen over the speed limit. “ What are you trying to say Ed’s. I'm a comedian not a mind reader. “ Richie knew what he was asking, but needed more time to process it. He drove back toward Derry. “ I’m asking if you, if you would ever want that again. With me, I mean. I know i'm married and that's obviously a turn off for a lot of people but. “ He chewed the inside of his lip, Richie shooting through the small town at a speed that was much too fast. Eddies heart thumped in his chest. “ Answer me Rich. “ 

Richie pulled into the park entrance, everything was dark and there was no one around. He shut off his car and looked at Eddie with a fire in his eyes that had been gone since the first time they fucked. “ Are you asking me if I would bend you over the hood of my car, Krasbak. “ Richie lulled through shaking breath. Eddie shifted in his seat, growing a bit hard at just the mention. “ I wasn’t really saying that, Rich. “ He mumbled, looking the man up in down in the seat across from him. Richie looked hungry, and that just turned Eddie on more. Was this what they were bound for? Angry fucking in a park they used to spend all their free time in? “ But if that's what you want to do, I have no complaints. “ Eddie hummed back in a sultry tone he didn’t even know he had. The door on the driver side was open faster than eddie could unbuckle his seatbelt. 

There was no kissing this time, just hands pushed against bodies, grabbing and groping anything within arm's distance. Moans filled the air between the two men, Richie pushing his leg between Eddies to spread them a bit as Eddie grinded down on his taller counterpart. Richie nipped at Eddie's neck while Eddie undid the buttons of Richies shirt, getting impatient when one wouldn’t come off and ripping it open, Richie simply responding with “ Hope she's a better seamstress then wife. “ Before biting Eddies neck, while simultaneously grinding into his hips. A moan slipped from Eddie in place of the protest he had building. Richie shrugged off his shirt while Eddie pulled his own off over his head in one swift motion, Richie reaching under Eddie, picking him up to place him on the hood of the car, Eddie spreading his legs as he let Richie grind into him, moaning his name while Richie fumbled with the button to his own pants. “ Richie, please. I want you so bad “ Eddie groaned into the nape of Richies neck, humping the hand working to get him free of his pants. “ Why don’t you lick my hand then so I can fuck you, huh? “ Richie growled back, placing his hand in front of Eddie who obligated with no hesitation, Richie slid two fingers into Eddies mouth, and moaned when Eddie responded with sucking on them, working his tongue over every inch of Richies long fingers, eyes half closed as he did, making Richies knees buckle under him. “ God fuck Eddie, youre so gorgeous “ Richie hummed as Eddie looked up at him, opening his mouth as Richie pulled his fingers out. They looked at each other for a moment, the only thing filling the air the heavy breathing coming from either man, Richie putting his thumb on Eddies lower lip. 

Eddies pants were on the ground faster than the last time, Richies not long behind, Bare ass to the world, he took his and Eddies cock’s in his hand and started working them, leaning into Eddie as he did. The wetness from Eddie sucking on his fingers had started to go away, so he spit into his open palm. Eddie leaned back bucking his hips as Richie worked the two of them together. Struggling to keep his hand around both of them. Richie worked slowly at first, using the bit of precum that came from Eddie to tease both the tips of there cocks, leaning into Eddies chest as he did, and he worked his way down from there. Stroking them both slowly, gradually building up speed until both were panting and moaning into one another, Eddie reaching under Richies had to fondle his balls, making another load groan slip from Richie. It didn’t take either man long to reach their climax. Richie cumming first this time followed shortly after by Eddie. 

Richie leaned over Eddie panting for a few moments, Eddie leaning back on his elbows to take in the cool night air. Richie spoke first this time, pulling himself away from the other man and taking a deep breath. “ Ed’s, you can’t keep doing this to a man. “ He took another deep breath before walking to the drivers side, opening the door and grabbing some napkins out of the glove box. Cleaning himself off and then handing some to Eddie, who just held them for a moment. “ If you need help I can “ Eddie shook his head, ears turning red as he cleaned himself up, Richie had his pants back up and buttoned by this point, and a cigarette in his teeth. Fishing in his pocket for a lighter. “ I was just trying to enjoy the moment dickwad. Why can’t I ever have anything nice with you. “ Eddie finally snaps back, pulling his own pants up. Throwing the used napkin on the ground. “ That’s littering Eddie, I can't believe you of all people would break the law! “ Richie said, taking a long drag from his smoke. 

They play fought like that for a while. Going back and forth, jabbing each other, Richie pinching Eddies nipple at one point which ended in Eddie swatting his hand away in annoyance whining about how it hurt. “ Ill miss you, Ed’s “ Richie finally said, stomping the butt of his cigarette out, blowing a cloud of smoke up and away from them into the cold night air. They were both fully dressed now. Eddie taking note to put everything on how he'd taken it off. All at once, Richie wasn’t sure why. “ Don’t call me Ed’s asshole. And it's not like ill never see you again. We remember now. It's not like last time, “ He paused, looking at the other man standing with his back facing him. “ What about this. “ He asked after a moment to many of silence. “ What about it “ Richie replied. He had lit up a new cigarette, pressing it to his mouth and dragging on it slowly. Blowing the smoke out of his nose. 

“ We cant just pretend we didn’t fuck, twice. “ Eddie countered. He stared bullets into the back of Richie, who didn’t seem to notice. Finally he spoke, blowing another cloud of smoke when he did. “ What do you want to do then, Eddie my love? “ He turned, facing Eddie. Hair a mess, buttons done the wrong way, one shoe untied. And in the parking lot of that old park, in the middle of September, Eddie Krasbak got over a second fear of his. “ I want to leave my wife, and be with you. “ He said, matter of factly. And Richie just dropped his cigarette and stared at him.


	4. Blue Hawaiian shirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly Marsh left the next day at 2:45 in the afternoon. And Richie sat in front of her house and cried until 3:15. The losers didn’t do anything together for two days after she left, and Richie went to Eddies house every night for a week. The letters stopped coming every day after about a month. And soon the losers started High school. And Beverly Marsh stayed carved into the hearts of the boys while they faded from her mind.

The cigarette bounced off the ground in what felt like slow motion as Richie ran to kneel beside Eddie who had been thrown to the grown by Henry, holding his leg whimpering. Eddie tried to hide the fact that he was in pain, but Richie knew better. He knew Eddie. “ What did that fucking asshole have to go and do that for? Are you okay Ed’s? “ Richie touched the other boy softly, in a panic, hands hovering over his body as if he could detect anything wrong with just a touch. “ I’m fine, Rich. And how many times do I have to tell you. “ Richie cut him off, placing a calming hand on his shoulder. “ I know, don’t call you Ed’s “ They sat like that for a moment, Richie just looking into Eddies eyes. Silently telling him it would be alright and he would die before he let Henry and his stupid fuckin’ mullet hurt Eddie ever again. 

When Richie finally helped Eddie stand up, Eddie dusted himself off, taking care to be careful around his leg which was scuffed up badly, along with his elbow. “ My shirts filthy. My mom will have an actual aneurysm if she sees me like this. “ Eddie looked down at himself. His shirt covered in specks of dried blood and dirt, a grass stain trailing up the left side, toward the bottom. Richie tapped his lip in a moment, then shot up a finger. “ Lets go swimming! That will wash the dirt off your shirt and it'll be fun. Since its just us today. “ Richie put his hands on his hips, proud of himself for making this obviously genius revelation. 

Eddie had a protest, but it died in his throat when he seen the light in Richies eye’s. The way he was so eager to help Eddie fix his problem. He was in deep alright and at this point he was content with the idea of Richie taking his hand and leading him to the end of the world. They walked to the barrens together first. Eddie had complained along the way that it was too hot and he wanted to sit in the club house for a while and finish that comic he and Richie had started a while ago. In reality he just wanted to be in the hammock with Richie. 

Richie walked down the ladder first. Waiting at the bottom as Eddie lowered himself shortly after, walking down the rungs of the ladder slower then normal. Richie stood at the bottom with hands hovering just above his waist, ready to catch Eddie if he slipped. And they stayed slightly outstretched as Eddie put his feet on the ground. But he didn’t say anything to the goofy boy in front of him, the gesture was sweet. They walked toward the hammock when Richie lit another smoke, his first since the run in with Henry. 

Eddie scrunched his nose and waved the comic in front of him, faux gagging on smoke that wasn't even near him. “ You're going to give me an asthma attack asshole and then you have to tell the other losers you killed me in a smoke chamber. “ Richie chuckled, biting back a joke. Simply taking another long drag from his cigarette. Eddie watched him. The way his mouth moved when he pulled in the sick air, the way he closed his eyes when he blew it out in a thick cloud. The way the smoke would curl up into his hair and float behind his glasses, making Richie squeeze his eyes shut “ That shit will kill you one day “ Eddie said absentmindedly. 

Richie looked at him then, a look Eddie wasn’t sure Richie had ever given him before. Tilting his head to the side a bit, walking closer to Eddie. Eyes soft with admiration and cheeks slightly red with what looked like a blush. Before Eddie had time to react Richie was standing in front of him, one arm on the pole that held the hammock in place, the other holding the still smoking cigarette. Richie smelled like smoke and popcorn butter. Eddie closed his eyes and breathed him in before Richie leaned in closer, whispering in his ear. “ Not if you do first, Eddie spaghetti “ 

Eddie ripped open his eyes and Richie was standing in the same place he had been before he closed them, Looking at Eddie with a sort of confused look “ earth the space cadet K. You alright Ed’s? “ He took one last hit from his smoke and walked lazily toward the hammock. Was it all a hallucination? Had Eddie imagined it? He wasn’t sure. It felt so real.. So close. 

Richie climbed into the hammock, throwing one leg over the side and placing the other near Eddies resting arm. Making them sway back and forth a bit as he got situated. Eddie buried his face into the comic. Hiding the blush that grew across his cheeks. He swallowed hard and finally looked at Richie who was looking at him, looking away when he was caught. “ Stair much four eyes “ Eddie mocked. “ Its just I was looking to see what you were reading is all “ Richie responded. Fixing the position of his leg as he talked. Bringing it closer to Eddie. In response Eddie stretched his legs out, laying one testingly over Richie, so that his calf was about mid-thigh on Richie. Richie blushed and Eddie saw it. Of fucking course he wasn’t going to let that go. 

“ Are you blushing trashmouth? “ He asked, smiling a bit as he did. Richie’s only reaction was to sit up and lean forward in the hammock. Making it sway as he did to pinch Eddies cheeks. “ Are you blushing, trashmouth?! “ Richie repeated in a high pitched voice. Eddies cheeks were on fire. Richie laughed as Eddie kicked at him. “ Stop it asshole! You'll make us fall! “ Eddie cried, but Richie didn’t listen. He never did. And sure enough they rocked to far to the right and were sent out of the hammock. Landing on the hard dirt floor Richie howled with laughter. But was silenced when he felt the presence of Eddie not beside him, but on top of him. “ Ed’s “ He whispered in the dark, hands floating carefully toward eddies waist. “ Don’t call me that. “ Eddie responded, looking down at the boy under him. 

Richie basically threw Eddie off of him, which resulted in a very angry Eddie and a very embarrassed Richie. They fought back and forth for a while on whose fault it was that they fell out of the hammock until eventually Richie let himself be the bad guy. “ Can we go to the lake now? I need a cold bath after that “ Richie joked pulling at his shirt collar. Eddie rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “ Sure whatever I don’t care. They laughed together after that, breaking the semi-tension between the two of them. Richie bows and offers Eddie his hand to lead him to the ladder. Eddie rolls his eyes and swats Richies hand away, to which Richie grabs his chest in mock hurt. They go the long way to the lake, picking up sticks and throwing rocks at bushes along the way. Ignoring what happened in the club house. When they get to the lake Richie all but ripps of his shorts and two layer shirt ordeal. Kicking off his shoes and socks after being undressed the rest of the way. Eddie follows behind, once again leaving his clothes in a neat folded pile next to Richie’s jumbled mess. The dirt comes off but thats about it for his shirt. 

“ I’m so dead dude. “ Eddie groans throwing his head back into the water, floating on his back. “ My mom won’t let me leave the house all week once she sees the blood and my arm and leg. She’ll think i have malaria or something. “ Eddie groans and Richie swims up next to him, water running of his glasses as he floats next to Eddie. “ I mean you can always borrow one of my shirts. “ Richie says a little to excitedly. Both boys cheeks go red but neither admits it to the other. 

They swim and goof off for a bit longer, talking about what they want to do next week since its Bevs last. Richie gets a little quiet at the subject.” Ill miss her a lot. “ He says to no one really. Eddie doesn’t respond. Just lets his friend continue. “ Shes going to live with her aunt, because you know.. “ He didn’t have to say it. They all knew. Bevy’s dad was scarier then Pennywise and Eddies mom put together. And after beating one evil in her life, it was time for Bev to beat another. “ I’m sure she'll write you every day, Rich. Your her best friend. “ Eddie looked at Richie, his back turned to him. He wanted to swim up to him. To hold him and tell him everything would be alright. Bev might be leaving but she would always be a loser. Then Eddie asked something he instantly regretted. “ Do you love her? Like, more then the rest of us? “ Richie was silent. Looking into the setting sun and thinking about the game of truth or dare a few weeks ago that swore to break up the entire group. “ No, I don’t think so. “ Richie finally replied, turning toward Eddie. “ Why, are you jealous? “ He smiled half heartedly. “ Anyway we should get out. Its getting dark. “

When they dried off, Richie picked up his blue hawaiin shirt he had been wearing that day. One of his favorites. He held it up and looked at it and then Eddie who just shook his head. “ There is no way. No way I am wearing that fucking thing. “ Eddie crossed his arms. Huffing like a child being forced to dress up for church. “ Awe come on Eddie spaghetti, it will look great on you! “ Richie hummed, looking at the shirt. Silently imagining Eddie in it. Then silently imagining Eddie in other pieces of his clothes. He looked back to Eddie who had his hands crossed over his chest, looking into the distance. A soft pink dusting his cheeks. “ You can’t tell any of the other losers I wore one of your stupid fucking shirts or ill kill you myself do you understand me. “ Eddie said in one long huff of breath. Richie chuckled nodding. Handing the shirt over to Eddie who slipped it over his arms. It was massive on him. He was practically swimming in it. Richie liked his shirts a little to big for himself but this was beyond hysterical. He thought he might puke from laughing so hard. Eddies face felt like he had laid in the sun for two years on end with no sun screen. “ Wow, talk about boyfriend material. “ Richie joked. Or was it a joke? The way Eddie looked in his shirt made him feel like maybe he could date Eddie. Sure he always thought Eddie was cute. But now seeing him like this, made Richie's heart ache. But he didn’t like guys.. Did he? “ Shut up trashmouth! I already said I would never date you! Gross! “ Eddie snipped back. Face growing in shade even still. He thought he would die on the spot. 

They walked home in silence. Eddie waiting for Richie to turn to go to his house when he kept walking beside Eddie. “ What are you doing you idiot? “ Eddie whisper yelled. They were getting close to his house and if Eddies mom seen him not only wearing one of Richies shirts but walking with Richie? It would be good riddance to the rest of the summer with his friends. Richie just smiled keeping pace “ I figured I could stay the night. Since you want to finish that comic and we were going to meet the other losers tomorrow anyhow. “ The casual tone in which Richie basically told Eddie he was staying made the hair on Eddies neck stand up. “ fine, just be quiet when you come in okay asshole. “ Eddie shot back. Looking over to Richie who made the motion of zipping a zipper over his lips. Eddie walked in first, leaving Richie on the porch too see if his mom had fallen asleep in the living room. Which she had. He motioned for Richie to come in and he half jogged into the house and up the stairs. 

No sooner did he get up the stairs that a familiar voice was calling Eddie. 

“ Eddie bear? Is that you? “ Sonia called out. Eddie closed his eyes and called back. “ Yeah momma it's me. I’m sorry im late I just got caught up reading something and lost track of time. I'm going to take a showe now, “ He walked toward the stairs then, not wanting his mom to see him in what was obviously Richies shirt. “ Wait Eddie come here, give your momma a kiss goodnight before you go. “ Shit shit shit shit. “ I don’t know mom I smell like the woods and I know your allergic to that stuff its better if I just go shower. “ The only thing Eddie could hear for a long moment was the tv playing in the living room before a long sigh and an “ Alright Eddie bear. Just make sure you get nice and clean then in the shower and come say goodnight later. “ Eddie let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and started up the stairs while yelling back “ Okay momma I will! “ He didn’t wait to hear if she said she loved him. 

Richie was laying on Eddies bed when he came in, his shoes laying on the floor next to Eddies desk. Reading the comic that they had been sharing in the club house when Eddie walked in grunting. “ I actually am going to take a shower, your free to do. Whatever “ Eddie motioned around the room as he grabbed clean clothes. Richie didn’t look up from the comic as Eddie worked around the room. They co-existed like this a lot, just being in the same space as one another was nice. Being around Richie gave Eddie a sense of security and being around Eddie gave Riche a sense of home. “ Don’t think about me to much in the shower, Eddie baby. “ Richie half called as Eddie left the room. Flipping him the bird as he shut the door. Richie waited until he heard the water running in the bathroom to get up. 

He found the pad of paper pretty easily and a pencil wasn’t to hard to find either. He cracked his knuckles, turned on Eddies desk lap and started writing. He wasn’t very good at putting his emotions onto paper but he was worried if he didn’t do this then he wouldn’t be as good of a friend to Beverly as he thought he was. “ Dear Man Killer, “ He chewed at the end of the pencil for a moment. Not sure if he wanted to start the letter this way or not. “ Dear Bevy, A.K.A Man Killer. “ He nodded to himself. This was better, still signature Richie without being a total asshole. And from this point out he just, let his heart do the writing for him. 

“ Dear Bevy, A.K.A Man Killer.  
Hey Bevy! Its me, your local trashmouth Richie Tozier. Here to tell you that I can understand but not respect your decision to leave us here in this shithole of a town in Maine, I mean seriously babe, take us with you! No but for real Bevy I am so happy you are getting out of this hell town. You have been through so much in the past two years and deserve to be actually happy. We will all miss you like crazy but uh, I need to be the first to say I will undoubtedly miss you the most. In the two years I have gotten to know you, I have gotten to know a gorgeous, funny, soft hearted but bad bitch. Who don’t take nothing from no one. There is no other woman i'd rather kill a clown from outer space with, kinda jealous I wasn’t the one to kiss ya tho ;) Maybe one day. Ill miss you more then ill ever admit to anyone Beverly. You hold a place in my heart that not even Eddie’s mom can fill. Please be safe out there in this big wide world. And write often. I want to know about all the boys you try to replace me with! I love you Beverly. Now until the world ends.   
Your’s truly, Richie A “ trashmouth “ Tozier. “ 

Richie read over his note a few times, folded it into a heart and tucked it into his pocket, getting up from the desk and walking back to Eddies small bed. Laying down and taking in a deep breath of the clean sheets on his bed, it smelled like fresh laundry soap and Eddies ” natural “ shampoo, which was lilac and honeysuckle this month. His mom bought them from this weird hippie shop down the street that never carried the same soap. But Richie didn’t mind. It reminded him of a clover field, crisp and clean and full of life. He snuggled in close to Eddies pillow when Eddie walked in, startling him. “ Are you smelling my pillow you freak? “ Eddie asked, rubbing his head with the towel. Richie’s blue shirt still hung loosely around his body. Richie didn’t ask why he'd kept it on, but smiled despite himself. “ I can’t help it. You smell like home “ Richie covered his mouth in an attempt to push the words back in. But it was too late. Eddie blushed bright red and closed the door. Saying nothing but climbing in bed next to the taller boy. 

Eddies ceiling had the plastic stars that glow in the dark on them, a gift from Richie a couple years back since Eddie was scared of the dark but to shy to admit it. “ This way, you can look at the night sky and not be scared “ Richie said when Eddie opened them. He put them in the sun that day and on his wall that night. They haven't come down since. Richie lay pressed against Eddie, shoulder to shoulder. How they had laid in this bed a million times before. But Richie was shifting a lot. Like he wanted to roll over. Which he did, but he didn’t want to scare Eddie. Make him feel uncomfy. Eddie took his unspoken word and looked at Richie, speaking in the softest tone he'd ever spoken to him. “ Do you want to move, Rich? I can lay on my side if you want. “ Richie just looked up still, before nodding in silent agreement. 

The boys shifted in the bed awkwardly for a moment, until Eddies back was pressed against Riches chest. Richie held his hands awkwardly above him so as not to touch Eddie. Eddie noticed and groaned, reaching above him and lowering one of Richies hands to his waist. Both boys lay in silence for a moment before Richie spoke. “ Is this okay, Ed’s? I can move if not. “ Eddie simply replied by scooting back, pulling Richie's arm around his chest tightly. The embrace felt good. Richie gulped a bit before leaning into Eddie, smelling his hair as he took a deep breath. “ You smell so good “ He mumbled softly into Eddies ear, sleep coating his voice. “ Shut up trashmouth, its just because I know what a shower is. “ Eddie spit back, a little more awake. He softly squeezed Richie's hand, whispering “ Hey, Rich. You awake? “ To which he simply got a “ hmm “ in reply. “ Ill ask you in the morning then, goodnight buddy.” Eddie spoke softly. Hearing Richies breathing even out. His face pressed into Eddies back, his warm breath hitting Eddies neck. Eddie could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Richie grinned softly against the nape of his neck before falling asleep. They stayed together like that all night. 

Eddie woke up first, the sun coming through the blinds had woken him. He groaned and stretched his legs, feeling Richies tangled around them. He looked down to see Richie still holding his hand, curled up tight against him. A soft blush covered Eddies face as he lay there and basked in the warmth of the sun and of Richie's body against his. He looked over his shoulder at Richie who was still sleeping, taking in the way his hair got tangled in his long eyelashes. And the way he had a patch of freckles along the bridge of his nose and under his eyes. Eddie had never been this close to Richie without his glasses on. He was so handsome. Richie groaned and grabbed Eddie tighter, pulling him close to his body before burying his face in Eddie neck, sighing softly. “ What time is it Eddie my love “ Richie mumbled sleepily. “ Time for you to get up lazy bones. “ Eddie replied. “ And to early for the pet name bullshit. “ Eddie giggled as Richie blew raspberries into his neck. They giggled together in the small bed as Eddie continuously shushed Richie. The morning was crisp and fresh. Eddie had the best sleep of his life last night. He hugged Richie then, randomly pulling the taller boy into him. Burying his face in Richie’s chest. Richie just responded by petting his hair and holding him. It was the first of many of their unspoken “ I love you”s 

Eddie went downstairs first, sneaking past his mom who was still asleep in the living room. It had to be only about 7a.m. And she wouldn’t be up until about 9. So Eddie scribbled her a note and walked out the door silently, waving for Richie to follow him. Once outside they shut the door and laughed among one another as they walked to the park. They would wait there until it was time to meet up with Bev and the others. They sat under the oak tree and talked about the dreams they had that night and not the way they had fallen asleep in one another's arms. It was only about 10 when Bill rolled up to the park. “ I f-fhu-figured I would find you here. “ He said, smiling from atop silver. “ Bev’s r-ru-ready whenever you g-gu-guys are. “ 

They followed Bill to Bev’s house where they met the other losers. And then out came Bev in a pair of jean shorts and converse, with a long sleeve shirt on. None of them made a comment on it. They went to the movies that night, and then all pitched in to take Bev to a nice dinner. They ended up going to a pizza parlor down the road from the movie theater. Mike brought her a thing of flowers when they met up later that night to play games at Richies since his mom was gone. She cried in his arms, then took her rounds hugging the other losers telling them all how much she loved them. Richie slid the note he wrote to her in her back pocket when they hugged. They broke into Richie’s dad’s liquor cabinet and got drunk of cheap vodka and stayed up till three in the moring telling stories of all the things they would do when they grew up. 

Beverly Marsh left the next day at 2:45 in the afternoon. And Richie sat in front of her house and cried until 3:15. The losers didn’t do anything together for two days after she left, and Richie went to Eddies house every night for a week. The letters stopped coming every day after about a month. And soon the losers started High School. And Beverly Marsh stayed carved into the hearts of the boys while they faded from her mind. 

Richie had grown distant from the other losers in High school but ever closer to Eddie, spending more time at his house then with anyone else. Stan moved away next. Going to Michigan with his dad so they could do more nerdy stuff. Richie gave him the longest hug from all the losers but it wasn’t him that cried this time but Bill. He stayed home from school the day after Stan left. Bill was next. His parents couldn’t handle the idea of staying any longer in a town that had caused them so much pain. Richie felt like it was another funeral. He went to the graveyard that day and cried by himself in the cool autumn air. Ben was the last to leave not long after Bill, His aunt had told them that she wanted to live on her own again so him and his mom packed up and left for Georgia. None of the losers wrote anymore. Mike stayed, but was always busy with work. Which left just Richie and Eddie. Until Eddie’s mom got sick for real, and Eddie had to move to New York. Richie begged Eddie to stay. To run away with him. To do anything and everything to keep his mom here. “ I can't go on without you Ed’s I don’t have anyone left. Please “ He begged. Eddie bit his lip, fighting back tears. “ I can’t Rich. I promise ill visit as often as I can. “ Eddie left one cold January morning and never came back. Richie cried for a month straight. Then he finished High School, told Mike he couldn’t stand to see the houses of the people he once loved be occupied by strangers, and he left for Tennessee. Mike just nodded and patted him on the shoulder, helped him pack his Ford and watched as the last of his friends left him. 

Richie wouldn’t hear from any of the people he grew up with until 27 years later, when the memories of some of the greatest people in his life all came flooding back to him like a wave.


	5. A world without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walking out the door of his house with just the clothes he could stuff into the bag, Edward Kaspbrak got into his car, pulled out his phone and called Richard Tozier. “ War isn’t all its shaped up to be. “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry no smut this chapter just pure, unadulterated pain. 
> 
> I don't know how to work this website so forgive my lack of fancy text. I just wanna make ya'll cry with me over the fact that Eddie and Richie were in love and didn't get the happy ever after they deserved so ima make it. 
> 
> I really cant say enough how much I appreciate everyone who reads and leaves kudos! You guys mean so much to me <3 This is a really special thing since ive never written like this before, so having positive feedback means the world to me!

Richie just looked at the smaller man, mauling over his words that were blasted on repeat in his head, “ I want to leave Myra and be with you “ The words were in Eddies voice, sometimes mockingly. Sometimes soft and sweet, full of love. Richie just looked at Eddie who fidgeted uncomfortably with his jacket sleeve. He pulled out another cigarette, lit it and took a deep long drag before finally speaking. “ Wanna run that by me again? “ Was all he weakly managed. Eddie bit his lower lip, looking away a bit shyly as he repeated the words. In a softer tone this time. Not daring to make eye contact. It was embarrassing enough to admit this at all but to see that stupid look on Richie’s face was enough to kill him on the spot. “ I said, fuck Rich don’t make me do this. “ Eddie finally turned to look at Richie who was leaned against his car. 

He looked like the bad boy coming to get his girlfriend in some cheesy 80’s movie about love in a small town that definitely had musical numbers in it. Eddie totally loved the idea of Richie being the tough guy. Of saving him from his mother. But he never did. Infact, now that Eddie was thinking of it Richie never came to visit him in the time he was away with his mother. But then again could he blame him? He had only just remembered Richie a couple days ago. All the time they had spent together cleared from his brain like the attic in the summer. He frowned at the thought, Richie suddenly standing up and walking closer. “ No Ed’s I wanna hear what you said again. “ His voice was soft. Not in the way that he was angry and trying to hold it in, but more in the way that he sounded when he was actually. Really serious about something. No jackass remarks, no jokes. Just Richie listening to whatever it was Eddie had to say. 

Deep breath Ed’s, you got this. 

“ I just, I can't stop thinking about you. Ever since I crossed the state line into Maine I couldn't shake the feeling of coming home to someone. Not something, and I know that could be because of the whole Pennywise thing. But it didn’t feel like that, it felt like coming home after work too see your dog. Not saying you’re a dog, although you kinda are. “ Pause, then Richie smirking. “ Beep beep spaghetti man. “ Eddie relaxed his shoulders a bit then, this was going better than he was expecting. “ I just knew that i was excited to see the losers of course. To see Bev and big Bill and haystack. But then I got too you and it just.. “ Eddie blushed a bit, looking down “ It felt like when we were teenagers and you would sneak into my house when my mom was sleeping. And we would read comics until the middle of the night and wake up late in the afternoon. “ 

Richie took a careful step toward Eddie who was still talking. Starting to ramble at this point. “ I got back and all I could think about was you, the time we spent together outside of that old ice cream parlor and the shitty movie theater that only played old school movies or the time in the clubhouse talking about girls and school and you taking up smoking to be cool like Bev “ Richie giggled and Eddie looked up finally, realizing just how close Richie had gotten. They were only about a foot apart, he could realistically close the distance and kiss Richie, but he chose not too. “ Hey, for your information I didn’t start smoking to be like Bev. I did it because I was a stupid teenager that wanted to look cool and that shits addicting. “ Richie looked down toward Eddie, placing a careful hand on his shoulder. “ I thought of you too though, Ed’s. “ 

Eddie swore in that moment he actually died, his heart flew into his throat faster then he could respond. But that was okay because Richie started rambling now and it not only gave Eddie insight on the feelings the man had but time to catch his breath. No inhaler needed. “ I thought about you from the moment Mike said who it was. I puked up a 200 dollar lunch because of you, asshole. “ Richie slid his hand down to Eddies arm, holding it softly. “ I thought about the way you would always laugh at my jokes, no matter how bad they were. And the way you got so defensive over me with the other losers. “ Eddie shifted and gave Richie an annoyed look “ I don’t remember ever being defensive over you, Rich. “ Richie laughed, sliding his hand down Eddie’s arm a bit more, Eddie didn’t move away. “ You totally did! You would get so mad when Stan or Bill would stand to close to me or make a joke toward me that I would totally make toward them. It was so cute. “ Eddie blushed, looking away slightly as Richie moved his hand the rest of the way down Eddies arm, taking his hand. Pushing his fingers through Eddies and closing their hands together. Eddie looked back to Richie with that puppy dog face of his “ You were so cute, cute cute. “ 

Richie leaned in then, and Eddie needed his inhaler. 

Richies lips were soft, softer than Eddie remembered from the first time they kissed. But this wasn’t like the other time. This time was tender. Eddie closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss, holding Richie’s hand tight as he did. His heart felt like a cloud in a sky of butterflies. He was kissing Richie Tozier. The man of his dreams, his childhood crush. And this time it wasn’t because they were both on an adrenaline high strong enough to kill an elephant. Richie let Eddie’s hand go then, and Eddie found himself chasing Richies hand with his own, until Richie placed a tender hand on Eddies un injured cheek, deepening the kiss a bit. Eddie reciprocated the action by cupping Richie's face, letting his hand slide against the grit of his unshaven face. His jaw was sharply cut but soft to the touch. Eddie gasped a bit when Richie pulled them closer together. 

It was Eddie this time that took it further, opening his mouth a bit at first to gasp for air, but after feeling Richie do the same, he was the one to slide his tongue into Richie’s. Richie responded with a soft groan and his own tongue exploring Eddies mouth. Eddies mouth tasted like toothpaste and butterscotch while Richie’s tasted like smoke and cotton candy. Eddie found out then that he didn’t mind the taste of smoke, especially on Richie. They kissed like that in the dark for what felt like hours. Eddie eventually moving his hand too the back of Richie’s neck, sliding his fingers up into Richie’s hair as Richie moved his own hands down toward Eddies waist. Not grabbing him sexually, but holding him close, so if something came to take Eddie it would take Richie too. 

Finally after a while Richie slowed to pace of their kissing, going from making out to softer kissing, finishing with soft pecks on the lips which turned into Eddie kissing Richie as he started to grin. Richie leaned his forehead against Eddie’s. They held each other for a moment, Eddies arms hung around Richie’s neck and Richies hands placed gently on Eddies sides. Richie kissed Eddies forehead before stepping back clearing his throat. “ So what now, Eddie my love? “ His eyes searched Eddies face for the answer before Eddie could give it. Eddie looked away awkwardly, and spoke softly. “ I don’t really know.. I didn’t think I would get this far to be honest. “ They both laughed. Richie felt so stable under Eddies arms. He felt like the Oak tree they spent so much time together.. The one Eddie climbed one summer to carve (R) into.

Richie was finally home, here with Eddie in his arms. After searching for it for 27 years in run down venues and the bottom of every type of liquor he could get his hands on. He found it, here in the arms of the boy he grew up loving. But heaven was a far way off when reality came crashing down on both of them in the sound of not Eddie’s, but Richies phone going off. “ Who the hell is calling me? “ Richie mumbled as he lazily pulled his phone from his pocket. “ Are you fucking with me right now. “ Richie let go of Eddie then, pinching the bridge of his nose with the hand that was on Eddies waist. Eddie took one look at the phone and his blood ran cold. How? How had Myra gotten Richie’s phone number? Richie cleared his throat, looking back at the phone that he just recognized the number from because of the caller I.D saying “ New York. “ 

They passed looks of confusion and anger between one another as Richie put on his best “ play nice “ voice and hit accept on the call. “ Richard Tozier, how can I help you? “ He spat into the phone. Looking at Eddie as he did. Eddie normally would have laughed at Richie calling himself Richard, but he was more invested on the other end of the phone, Richie pulled it away from his face to put it on speaker. Not that he needed too because Myra was screaming. “ What the hell have you done with my Eddie bear?! Why isn’t he home?! I have been waiting for him and he still isn’t here. He should have landed an hour ago. I called that Mike guy that called him a few days ago and asked him and he said that he thought you two might be together. So where is my Eddie bear?! “ Richie glanced at Eddie, a confused look on his face and without thinking he asked out loud “ How did you get Mike’s phone number? “ Silence for a moment. Richie just looking at Eddie who looked at the ground, embarrassed. “ I went through his calls of course! I couldn’t let him leave without knowing who he was talking to! I looked you all up, after I called this Mike the first time. I know all about you and your disgusting comedy act. If you can even call that filth comedy. “ 

Richie took a long, deep breath before grabbing Eddies hand again, looking him in the eyes as he said in a very matter of fact way. “ Ed’s is fine, thank you for believing in my ability to take care of him, Hes actually standing with me right now. And for your information my stand up is hilarious. The only god taste you have is men, apparently. “ And with that Richie hung up. Eddie’s eyes were the size of dinner plates as he looked at Richie, mouth agape. Finally the wheels started turning in his head again and he spoke. “ Richie, what the fuck? “ 

They got into the car after Richie refused to talk to Eddie until he told him what was going on with the whole “ wife “ situation. He even made the air quotes when he said it. Eddie pouting like a child when Richie cornered him. “ You have to figure out what you want to do Eddie because I can’t sit here and pretend that its not killing me. “ Richie threw his hands up while saying “ Killing me. “ and Eddie just stared out the window. “ Do you want to come home with me or go home to her, Ed’s “ Richie finally gave him his ultimate choice “ Ill take you there, you can pack up and we can be on a plane to anywhere USA by Thursday. “ Richie reached out to touch Eddies knee but Eddie jerked away, the action sending a hot spear through Richie’s heart. “ I don’t know if I can actually do it.. I mean leave her. “ Eddie spoke finally, looking out the window of the unmoving vehicle still. Richie gripped the steering wheel tightly, looking forward with an unblinking gaze for a long moment. When he finally spoke, the pain dripping from his voice was something Eddie would have nightmares about. “ Then why, why did you do, anything with me? I know its mostly my fault for pushing for it but “ Richie turned to Eddie then, the red of his eyes visible even in the dark “ Why, why would you kiss me back if you thought you were just going to cave and go home to that? “ Richie motioned for his phone that was laying in the “ change catcher “ as he had so affectionately named it. 

Deep breath Kaspbrak. 

“ I didn’t lie. About wanting to be with you I mean. It's just a lot Rich. I came here not remembering anything about this place. And now its like a wave rushing over me of all the memories I once had here. Fuck I didn’t even remember your face until I seen you in the restaurant. I couldn’t tell you what you looked like as a kid until three days ago and I fucking grew up with you. I have emotions flooding back into me that I forgot I had for twenty seven fucking years. How do you want me to react? I’m sorry I don’t know what to do yet and that my priorities are in the wrong places for you but I can’t be the confident man you want me to be “ Richie just looked at him, the tension so thick it could be cut with a knife, Eddie was gasping for air. “ Your inhaler, Ed’s. “ Richie whispered, Eddie fighting for breath “ I know asshole, and don’t call me Ed’s. “ And as Eddie fumbled and pulled his inhaler out, shook it and took a deep breath relaxing into his seat. He broke Richie Toziers heart a second time. “ Just take me to the airport, Rich. “ 

So they drove to the airport. Richie couldn’t stand the idea of silence so he put on a random radio station that of course was playing sad classic rock. He opted to turn the radio off all together after a minute, the exit for the airport climbing up on them slowly as Richie played the events of the last three days on repeat in his head. “ Will you at least keep in touch this time “ He finally said. Eddie jumping a bit at the sudden interaction “ Of course I will buddy.. I won’t let myself forget you, not again. “ Richie glanced over to Eddie, and Eddie swore he saw Richie crying. 

Richie twisted his hands on the steering wheel while Eddie got out of the car, grabbing his things from the trunk. The light of the reception area lighting up the grey area between the drop off area and the street lights spread out around it. Eddie closed the trunk slowly, trying to hold onto every minute he had with Richie. He didn’t want to leave.. But he also didn’t know if he could stay. Richie was wild and adventurous and famous and Eddie was just, some suit wearing loser that worked in the upper floor of his office. He stood behind Richie’s car for a while, looking down at the California license plate. He wondered what Cali was like. He knew that if he asked Richie he would take him there, he would take him anywhere. So why wasn’t he letting him take him away from this disaster of a life?

Richie got out of the car, closing the door softly so not to startle Eddie and possibly flare up his asthma, walking toward the man with his suit cases in front of him slowly, his hands in his jacket pockets. “ Ed’s are you okay? “ He asked in a soft voice, Eddie looked up slowly, rubbing his thumb over the handle of his bag. “ No im not, I want to stay with you and run my fingers through your hair and tell you that I could count every freckle you try to hide under your glasses for the rest of my life and that I'm in love with you “ Is what Eddie would have said, if he were as brave as Richie said he was. Instead he weakly replied. “ Yeah, im fine.. Just thinking about things, “ He looked up at Richie, same sad look on his face. “ Please beg me not to go “ He wanted to cry out, grab Richie and beg “ Please make me stay, because im to scared to admit I want to. “ But Richie didn’t. He just looked down at his own shoes as Eddie cleared his throat, biting back tears. “ Please don’t forget me Richie. “ He finally spat out, it was a pretty pathetic attempt at getting across what he wanted to say, but it was better than nothing he supposed. And it must have worked, because he was wrapped up in Richie's arms then. Richie holding him tightly against his chest, Eddie could feel Richie’s heart beating on his cheek as he let go of his luggage and hugged him back. Grabbing his jacket tightly. “ I could never forget someone as annoying as you “ Richie jokes, his voice cracking as he fought back the tears pushing to get out. 

Richie walked him as far as he could. And Eddie basically threw himself into Richie’s arms when he couldn’t go any further, taking in one last deep smell of the man he was certain he wouldn’t see again for a long time. “ I’ll call as soon as I get home “ The sentence threw him back to when they were kids, after the first time they beat Pennywise and they all called each other every time they stopped hanging out, every night before they went to sleep and every morning when they woke up. Eddie’s mom in particular hated it, but let it go because she knew that they had been there for Eddie when he needed them after he broke his arm. Richie tightened his grip at the statement, simply nodding in agreement. Richie let go finally, holding Eddie at arms length as he looked him over and then smiled weakly “ You'll do great on the front lines, champ. “ Eddie half smiled back, putting his hand on Richie’s face, stroking a thumb over his cheek as Richie teared up. “ Wear all pink to the funeral. “ 

And just like that, for the second time. Richie watched the love of his life leave him. 

He got into his car and called Bev, who picked up on the second ring. “ Hello, Richie? Is that you? “ She sounded tired, like she was woken up from a deep sleep. “ Bevy he just left, “ Was all Richie could get out before he broke down, tears rolling down his face and hitting his thighs in the pale light of the airport parking lot. 

Beverly was a good friend to all the losers, but she was a great friend to Richie. She had pulled the note from her pocket in her aunts car about and hour into the drive, thinking Rich had slipped her money for smokes or a post card, something stupid. Something Richie. When she opened it and read the words scribbled in Richies neat but not fancy handwriting she broke into hysterics. Her aunt pulling over to make sure she was alright, and only driving again once Beverly had calmed down. Tucked into her pocket along with the note was a picture of the two of them Richie took on his mom’s old Polaroid. Richie was pinching Beverly's cheek and she had her finger hooked in his mouth. She framed them both when she got to her new house and even as the memories or the boy in the picture faded, along with the meaning of the note, she kept them close to her. Because deep down she knew they meant something. She looked to her bed side table then, in the soft moon light and smiled at the framed note and picture, breathing softly as she did her best to calm the only man she ever truly loved unconditionally. “ Rich, baby. Its okay. He had to go home eventually. And its not like he wont ever talk to you again. Just take a deep breath and try to relax. “ Bev’s voice was soft and caring, the kind of voice that always reminded Richie it would be alright. “ What if he hates me though Bevy, what if I really fucked up this time. “ Richie’s words came through sobs. His voice cracking as he continued to weep. “ You didn’t fuck up baby its okay. Talk to me what happened? “ Beverly was up now, sitting on the edge of her bed lighting a smoke. Ben reached for her behind him, finding her hand and giving it a quick squeeze to let her know he was there if she needed him. The line fell dead for a moment, Bev holding the phone away from her face to make sure Richie was in fact still on the call. She took a drag from her smoke as he took a deep breath “ I fucked him Bev, twice. “ Richie finally admitted. Bev bit her lip fighting back the urge to express the joy she felt before the realization that Eddie was married hit her. “ Oh Rich “ She said, placing her head in the hand with the cigarette. 

The conversation went on for about an hour, during which time Bev drew a bath, lit a candle and soaked while she listened to Richie pour his heart out. Finally admitting to someone the feelings he had bottled up for so many years.   
“ It just felt like the right thing to do in the moment, because we did something so amazing and everyone else was falling to the people they gave their hearts too all those years ago. “ Richie said in a much calmer voice, the gruff of crying still prominent. “ I didn’t just fuck him because I was horny I did it because I care about him.. “ Bev blew smoke from her nose before taking a deep breath, thinking of what to say to get her point across without sounding harsh. “ Richie, I know you think your doing the right thing by keeping your feelings for Eddie to yourself. But im being serious when I say I think it would be better for you to just admit to him the way you felt, the way you feel now. “ Bev could hear Richie biting his nails on the other end of the phone. “ I know your scared Rich, and I know it's hard. It's going to be hard for a while, but it'll be harder for you to keep bottling this shit up then to just admit to the man of your dreams the way you feel about him. “ Richie turned his car on then, and Bev heard him straighten up in his seat. The sound of his jacket sliding against the seat behind him informing her what he was doing. “ Do what you need to do Rich, you've never been scared to tell people how you feel about them. Don’t treat Eddie any different. “

Richie told Bev he loved her and that he had to go before hanging up, rubbing his face as he let the warm air blast over his arms, he took his glasses off, rubbing the frame between his fingers and his shirt, to clean of the specks of water from crying, and sighed before putting his car in drive, he knew now where he wanted to go. Where he had to go.   
Eddie’s flight landed in New York at 5:56am on Friday morning, he took a cab back to his house in the nicer part of town and sat on the edge of his and Myra’s bed, thinking about how he wished it was Richie sleeping beside him and not her. She would walk up soon and want to know all the details on why Eddie had been so late on his flight home and what Richie meant with the good taste in men comment, “ You’re not one of those homosexuals are you Eddie bear? “ He could hear her asking now. He didn’t think he was. But then again he didn’t think he would be kissing his best friend in a parking lot before getting on a plane back to the place he spent the last twenty years thinking he grew up in. He fumbled with the inhaler in his hand, thinking back to the fight with Pennywise in the sewer, the way Richie had held his face and told him that he was braver than he thought, and how Eddie ate the words up. How the idea of being brave enough to save the man who saved him all those years ago, gave Eddie the strength to help the person who helped him so much. But now here he was in his apartment with a woman he didn’t love thinking about the way Richie kissed him like he was the last person on earth, and he was to scared to even call him because hearing his voice might be enough to drive Eddie to pack up his life and leave.

He didn’t have much time to mull this over because he got a chime and a notification that Richie had sent him a picture. Eddie opened his phone tentatively, making sure not to press to hard when he drew out the new pattern he made to keep his secrets safe from Myra. He nearly dropped his phone when he saw the picture. Carved into the wood wall that could only be from the kissing bridge, was a simple enough statement. R+E. Eddie was shaking slightly as he read the text Richie had sent with the picture. “ I needed to make one last stop before leaving this shit hole of a town, and thought it only fair I share probably one of the only secrets I ever kept from you when we were kids. “ 

Eddie started packing that night, throwing everything he had into a suitcase in the middle of the room. His phone was going crazy in his pocket. He figured it would after the text he had sent Richie. “ I’ve made up my mind, stay in Derry. I’m coming home. “ His face burned with excitement and his heart raced with anticipation. Eddie wasn’t a very spontaneous person. But he didn’t need to be to know that this was something he wanted to do. It was like packing for an overnight trip to Bill or Richies house when they were teenagers and after Bev had left, and they would sneak booze from Richie’s dad’s cabinet and play spin the bottle with girls from school. Eddie smiled at the thought, it was the first time he had seen Bill kiss someone, and it was Stanley. Who turned a shade of red that still made Eddie laugh. He was just finishing up when he felt someone behind him. Myra didn’t touch him unless she needed to. They almost never held hands and being intimate was nearly impossible. She always wanted him on top because “ then there is less chance of things becoming uncomfortable “ As she put it so lovingly. Eddie then thought of what it must be like to be with Richie, how tender he would be in bed. How tender he was in general. “ Where do you think your running off to, Eddie bear? “ Myra sounded like a siren going off, ripping through Eddies clear blue sky thoughts with storm clouds the size of Texas. “ I’m leaving “ He replied bluntly, not looking at her, and pushing the wedding band around on his finger while closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “ This kills monsters if you believe it does “ Bevs words rang in his head, the sense of confidence she gave him filling him again now with what he needed to go on. 

“ You can’t leave me, Eddie bear. “ Myra replied matter of factually. “ Eddie turned then, ring in hand “ I can and I will. I’m not happy here Myra. Not with my life, not with you. “ Myra’s face contorted into something Eddie wasn’t sure he had ever seen before from her. A look of confusion and disgust. “ What are you saying Eddie, your not making any sense. “ He took a deep breath and pushed the wedding band against her chest, waiting until she put her hand under his to let it go. “ I’m leaving you, for real this time. “ He said with a huff, subconsciously pushing out his chest a little and straightening his back. Feeling Richie stand behind him, hands on his shoulders. Telling him to continue. That he COULD do this. And then Eddie felt the warm sting of a hand across his face, and every ounce of bravery he had fled from him. 

Richie called Eddie probably a hundred times. Every time he got “ Edward Kaspbrak, I can’t come to the phone right now. Leave a message. “ His heart sank a little more. Was it some kind of joke? Was he just fucking with Richie to make him think that he was coming back, but wasn’t actually? He sat at the park, car idling for a while longer before putting his phone down and lighting a cigarette. He could feel his heart in his throat, did Eddie play him? Or worse, did Myra find out? If she did, what would she do? Eddie was an adult. He could make his own decisions. If he wanted to leave he could, right? 

Eddie stood in shell shock for a moment. Hand placed on his cheek where she had slapped him. Finally he looked at her, anger in his eyes “ What the fuck Myra. “ He spoke firmly, not giving her any wiggle room. “ I had no choice, you were acting crazy Eddie bear. “ She reached for him but he pushed her hand away, holding his still stinging face. His cheek was bleeding from where he had been cut, and the taste of copper filled his mouth. “ I’m leaving you and that's that. I’m not staying here any longer. “ Red hot rage filled his body now. Eddie Kaspbrak was a lot of things, but he was not a woman beater, even as badly as he wanted to be in that moment. “ Don’t follow me and don’t call me. Ill have my lawyer get in touch. He scrunched his eyebrows and for the first time in his life, acted in rebellion by spitting blood on the floor beside him, picking up his suitcase and Myra screamed and cried. Walking out the door of his house with just the clothes he could stuff into the bag, Edward Kaspbrak got into his car, pulled out his phone and called Richard Tozier. “ War isn’t all its shaped up to be. “


	6. Love is War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie stood outside of the airport in Derry, Maine that September afternoon for what felt like years before he finally caught sight of the ball of pure rage hurtling toward him. He tried to smile, to act like he wasn't absolutely filled to the brim with anger of his own.

Richie stood outside of the airport in Derry, Maine that September afternoon for what felt like years before he finally caught sight of the ball of pure rage hurtling toward him. He tried to smile, to act like he wasn't absolutely filled to the brim with anger of his own. Richie made not a habit, but a fact of life to never show his anger. He tried not to show any emotions other than joyful, the occasional bit of frustration coming out here and then. When Bill punched him in the face, he was certain that was the most angry any of the losers had ever seen him. But when Eddie finally picked up the phone and called him, the sound of Myra screaming in the background for him to stay and the pure hate in Eddies voice as he talked to a unable to respond Richie, lit a fire so hot under his ass that Richie wasn’t sure he'd ever be able to fully put it out. 

His voice shook as he listened to the sound of cars honking loudly and Eddie screaming for them to fuck off. “ Ed’s what's going on what are you talking about, where are you right now? Is everything okay? “ Richie was pacing circles around his car on the bridge “ You sound like me asshole, I'm fine. Me and Myra just had a disagreement is all. Things got.. Out of hand. “ Richie froze, the line fell silent for a moment “ You didn’t “ Eddie sighed loudly before slamming the horn himself. “ Of fucking course not. I couldn’t if I wanted to. “ Richie chewed the inside of his lip then, the hot feeling of rage building up slowly inside of his stomach. “ Don’t tell me it was her.. “ He wasn’t asking in a tone that was meant to mock Eddie, but one that was so genuinely concerned that Eddie had to pause a moment before answering “ She hit me, Rich.. Not like a fist, but she slapped me, Right where Bowers cut my face. “ 

When Eddie walked out of the doors of the airport he all but threw himself into Richie who was walking toward him at full speed. The feeling of Richie wrapping him in his arms gave him the comfort he had been craving since he left in the first place. The last week and a half had been the most insane of him life, and while Richie was a big part of why it was so crazy. He was an equally big part in why it finally felt like it was all worth something. Richie cupped the back of Eddie's head, holding him close while kissing him all over his forehead, temples and the top of his head. Eddie was safe here, he knew that. But the feeling of being in danger hadn’t let him go. 

Richie opened Eddie’s door and let him inside the car before returning to grab his bag that had been haphazardly thrown on the ground when they reunited again. Eddie looked in the passenger side mirror as Richie struggled to get the overstuffed bag into the small trunk of the car, witnessing the struggle made Eddie chuckle and then suddenly he flushed with embarrassment. “ I can’t really be doing this “ He thought, watching the way the struggling man’s arms tensed beneath his horrid Hawaiian shirt. “ I can’t really leave my life behind for someone I just remembered a week ago. “ He looked away as Richie stood up straight, dusting himself off like he had somehow gotten dirty from putting a suitcase into the trunk. As he walked to the driver side Eddie made sure to look as casual as possible, but it was no use. “ What's wrong Eddie spaghetti? Got cold feet? “ Richie jokes, a soft smile playing at his lips despite the hungry fire burning in his chest. He had already text Bev to let her, somewhat know what was going on. She simply replied that her and Ben would be there soon. Second meeting of the losers and what not. “ Yeah I mean I’m great, I just left my wife of five years. Couldn't be better! “ Eddie shook his head a bit, looking down at his hand, the finger that once bore a wedding ring bare “ Why did I say that, I’m sorry Rich. “ the words tumbled out, the sad excuse of conversation dying on Richies lips. He just turned to Eddie and smirked, no light left in his eyes. Eddies heart ached then, but not in the way it normally did when he looked at Richie. “ Hungry? “ Was all Richie replied with. 

The ride to the restaurant was silent. No music, no conversation, not even a smart comment about the outfit Eddie chooses to wear. When they got to the place, a small pub with self proclaimed “ best burgers in Maine! “ Richie silently held up two fingers when the waitress asked and walked behind her, hands in pockets to the table where they sat across from one another. It wasn’t until she came back to ask what they wanted to drink that Richie finally spoke, asking for a glass of water and a beer. Typical. Eddie ordered just water. 

The silence was so uncomfortable that it made the waitress shift when she came back to them with their drinks, she forced a smile as she asked if they were ready to order and happily took her leave when Richie shook his head no. One long chug of beer later, Eddie finally spoke “ Rich, we need to talk.. “ Was all he got out before Richie pulled out his cigarettes, Eddie furrowing his brow kicking him under the table. “ You can't smoke in here numbnuts. You'll get us kicked out. “ Richie looked at him over his glasses and pulled the cigarette from his lips, putting it behind his ear. “ What do you want to talk about spaghetti man. “ Rich opted to pick up a toothpick and chew on it, the taste of mint and wood distracting him from the awkward man in front of him. “ Maybe we start with your abusive wife? Or we can talk about how we fucked twice, that's a good one. “ Eddie squeezed his hands together so tightly his knuckles turned white, taking a deep breath before looking Richie dead in the eyes “ Let's start with Myra since that seems to be the most important issue right now “ Eddie licked over the reopened wound in his mouth, closing his eyes tight as he remembered the sting from the blow that opened it again. Richie subconsciously pushed his foot against Eddies leg, both a sign of how ridiculously tall he was, and an unspoken sign that he was actually here, and listening to Eddie. “ I told her I was leaving, for real this time. No coming home again after a few days. No dusting it under the rug. No more of that, its happened too much.. I can't take it anymore. I left her with our wedding ring, her wedding ring, and I am trying to figure out how to handle this without her going off the deep end for real. “ Eddie looked to Richie with the eyes of a man who has both seen too much in his life, and not enough. He was begging for help, screaming at the top of his lungs for someone to come save him, but he was also in a room full of people offering help and was refusing every outstretched hand. Richie folded his own hands together to save from gabbing Eddies. “ I can’t be there anymore Rich. I never thought i'd be hit let alone by a woman. “ Eddie looked embarrassed, and he had every right to be. But Richie was here for him. He loved him regardless of what happened to him. He wanted to scream that at Eddie, make him understand. 

The waitress came back, and they ordered, Eddie going through the laundry list of things he absolutely couldn’t even be in contact with and couldn’t be in contact with his food. Richie found himself getting lost in the moment, watching Eddie used his left hand as a notepad as he made motions with the right, completely engulfed in the man in front of him before the moment was broken by “ and what about you sir? What will you have? “ Richie blinked and blush spread hot across his face as Eddie caught him staring, a small smirk gracing his face. “ ill just have him, “ What. The. Fuck. Richie blinked hard and cleared his throat. Rubbing the back of his neck, he pointed to the first thing he could find on the menu, thank god to save him so more humility it was just the house burger “ This is mean, haha “ The waitress nodded slowly and scribbled in her notepad, walking away then. The fire that had been burning so hot in Richie was fading as the tension in Eddies shoulders started to subside, and after clearing his throat again to give himself time to think, Richie spoke. “ Ed’s you know I love you, you are my best friend and I would do anything for you, please let this time be for real. Don’t go back to her Eddie. “ They both blushed softly then, looking at each other with emotion they had buried under years of repression. 

The food came after some light hearted conversation to break up the tension from the Myra talk. Not that it was much of a talk, mostly Eddie bitching about all the things she's done and how he had finally taken enough. Richie felt his ego get boosted when Eddie proudly showed off the naked finger, exclaiming “ I’m free from two evils in one go. This is great. “ They laughed, and for a fleeting moment Richie felt things would be alright. After eating they headed back toward the hotel Richie had gotten a room at, Eddie rolling his eyes elbowing Richie “ Classy, always one to please huh “ Rich mocked Eddie by putting his hands on his waist, bumping the steering wheel as he did “ Classy trashmouth! I bet this hotel doesn't even have bugs! “ he pouts, and giggled when Eddie rolled his eyes a second time, opening the car door “ Open the trunk so I can get my stuff would you. “

After getting settled into their room, Richie laid back on one of the two beds, he got a two bed just in case. He didn’t want to make Eddie feel uncomfortable especially considering they never addressed the fact of what happened between them at lunch. Eddie opened his suitcase and started pulling things out, folding them as he did and set them on the bed beside him. The sound of birds chirping and the highway roaring with life echoed through the room. Sunlight filtered through the dusty blinds as the sun slowly set behind the horizon. The smell of cheap cleaning products filled the room and all Richie could think about was how it might smell better if Eddie had cleaned it. 

A knock on the door startled them both, Richie shooting up quickly to see who it was, looking at the peephole and sighing as he opened the still locked hotel door, leaving just a crack between them and the worker on the other side. “ You have a phone call, mister Tozier. “ The woman said softly, hands folded in front of her. She was young, probably in her early 20’s. It suddenly hit Richie that he told his agent he would be gone for a couple days max. And he was now pushing two weeks without any contact, and he used his work card to pay for this room. Shit.

Richie smiled softly at the girl who just returned the favor before walking away, he closed the door softly before walking away, throwing himself on the bed and screaming into the pillow. Before Eddie could ask what the fuck a grown man was doing screaming into a pillow like a mad teenage girl, Richie got up and picked the phone up of the receiver, pushing it to his ear “ Hey, Tom, sorry I haven't called you. “ Richie held the phone up half heartedly while pulling the smoke from earlier from behind his ear, fumbling in his pocket to find a lighter and sparking it as his manager raged on the other line, screaming about missed tour dates and angry fans, the fact that the press was going absolutely bonkers over the fact famous comedian Richie Tozier had vanished from the face of the earth over the past two weeks. Richie just let him drone on as he puffed on his cigarette, taking care to stand away from Eddie and his things. Always considerate. 

As the cigarette grew smaller in Richie's fingers so did his patience. He was now pacing back and forth, a casual “ I know, “ and “ I’m sorry “ being breathed helplessly as his manager put him through the ringer. Eddie hadn’t heard someone drone this hard this long since his mother was alive. Until finally Richie snapped, and the anger that had been bubbling inside of him all this time erupted like a volcano. “ Listen here fuckwad, I am in my hometown spending time with my friends I haven't seen in almost thirty fucking years. Forgive me for missing some shitty fucking shows in towns that will forget about it in an month, last I checked spending time with people you love equates to a lot more then a couple hundred dollars and a shitty groupie in a even more shitty hotel because “ you can’t control everything, and sometimes they get through. “ and for your fucking information, last I checked you are my manager, not my fucking mother. If I want to make bad decisions and run away for a month its your job to make sure things get taken care of. I don’t pay you to be fucking incompetent, i pay you to make sure I don’t look incompetent, so do your fucking job and refund the shows I missed, make a public statement that I had a family emergency and I am taking a hiatus until further notice. And if that is to difficult for you, then do me a favor and write your own fucking recognition letter since apparently all you fucking asshats know how to do is run away from responsibility! I know stray dogs that could manage better than half you pencil dick idiots! “ Richie slammed the phone down so hard the table beneath it rattled with the impact. His breath was heavy and labored, sweat beading on his forehead as he came down off the high that was finally letting go. 

Eddie was in shell shock. In all his years of knowing Richie he had never seen him yell like that at anyone, not Henry, not Bill or the other losers, not his mom. No one, and the pure adrenaline rippling through him from witnessing such an outburst must have spawned something because he shot up, and spoke a little too loudly, and with a little too much of an urge to spit it all out at once “ I want you to tell me exactly what you think of Myra and then I want you to tell me why “ Eddie gave Richie a confused look, not sure why he had asked what he did. But he wanted to hear Richie go on more, it was like watching the quiet girl finally stand up for herself and it was exhilarating. 

Richie stood chest heaving for a second before looking Eddie dead in the eyes, pushing his glasses up a bit as he spoke “ You want to know what I think about that fucking cow? Do you really want to know? I think shes a fucking moron for treating you the way she did and the way she still is, shes as ignorant as she in large and that is saying a lot considering she could crush a 747 with her ass alone, ive had more intelligent conversation with six year olds and ive talked to her once, I can’t believe you put up with her for five fucking years. You really let godzilla boss you around and were okay with it? “ Richie was stepping closer and Eddie felt something he didn’t think he should be feeling right now, he shifted a bit, inching toward the bed. Maybe sitting down would help hide the fact hearing Richie talk like this excited him, not just in a sexual way but in a visceral way. “ And don’t even get me fucking started on the fact that she thinks she can lay her fucking hands on you. I mean I have seen you do a lot Ed’s and then this fucking jaba the hut impersonator walks up and bosses you around, are you kidding me? Then to top it off she thinks that she can touch you, like that? The idea of anyone touching you makes me so fucking angry, Ed’s. I killed a man you know and ill fucking do it again, going down in history as a serial killer comedian that slayed bigfoot would be awesome. “ He was still walking closer, the anger subsiding enough for the jokes to start to flow, Eddie pulled at the collar of his shirt absentmindedly, looking up at Richie as he continued, now just ranting in general. “ you know its bad e-fucking-nough that my manager cant do his job, but then your dumb ass wife cant do hers either and im forced to do all of the work for everyone, when was the last time you even had a good fuck aside from me? I bet never. Because no one fucking loves you like I do. “ 

Fuck, trashmouth. No amount of Beeps will save you now. 

Eddie sits there in silence for a long moment, hand still placed firmly on the collar of his shirt, his issue not finding remedy in the fact that his childhood crush finally admitted outloud what he'd been feeling for all these years. “ I mean, fuck. “ Richie backed up a bit then, bumping into the desk as he moved backward, Eddie looking at him with wide eyes. “ Fuck, Ed’s I didn’t mean it like that. Fuck, no wait. “ Richie was clearly having a conversation completely with himself and completely opposite of what reality was lying in front of him. Eddie stood then, letting his hand drop from the shirt he worked into a ball mindlessly, the mess of fabric wrinkling only where he had been holding it, “ Its okay Rich. “ He stepped toward Richie, who was now mirroring Eddie by sitting on the bed opposite him, rubbing the palm of his hands against his knees. Richie acted like he didn’t notice the tenderness in Eddies voice, the soft longing that coated his words. Eddie inched closer, closing the distance between them slowly. “ You don’t have to say sorry Richie, “ Eddie started “ Because I feel the same. I love you more than i've ever loved any of the losers. “ He wanted to say, wanted to climb into Richies lap and smother him with kisses and show him how much he did love him. But instead he weakly continued. “ You know I love you too dude, we are best friends. Its fine for you to be upset at my.. Situation. “ Eddie moved his hands in a weird swirling motion when saying situation, it was the best he could do to capture it with a hand gesture, Richie thought. But it wasn’t the weird hand motion that made Richie contort his face, but the fact that Eddie had just so casually dusted off Richie's first real confession, did he not hear him? Or was he just so shocked he couldn’t form an actual response. Richie wasn’t sure he wanted to know either way. “ Ahem, yeah man I mean that's what I was saying, I just got a little carried away in the moment is all. I mean you know I love you. I love all the Losers. “ They shared similar looks of confusion and hurt, not because of what Richie said about Myra, or because the cherry of his cigarette was burning to close to his fingers. But because in the paling light in that shitty hotel room Richard Tozier confessed his love and Edward Kaspbark was to scared to let him know that he felt that same way. 

They slept in separate beds that night. 

In Richie’s mind this way perfect. Because after the day he had he just wanted to wrap himself in the soft clean but not pristine sheets of the hotel bed and sleep until his body forced him to wake up or risk pissing the bed like a child. It's not to say that he would have been against sleeping in the same bed as Eddie, who had literally spent fifteen minutes looking over every inch of the bed, before deming it safe enough to sleep on top of the covers, before growing cold enough to crawl under the comforter at least. He imagined cuddling up to him might have been nice not only for him because of the human interaction, but for Eddie because then he would have stayed a little warmer. His train of thought hit an abrupt stop though when Eddie actually did crawl in bed beside him in the early morning. Whispering in Richie’s general direction he assumed, since Rich had buried himself in the blankets. “ Rich, I can’t sleep. “ A pause, and almost like being thrown back in time. Eddies younger voice echoed in chorus with his adult one. “ I had a nightmare. Can I lay with you? “ Richie pushed the blankets away from his face and squinted up at Eddie who looks back with soft eyes. The room was still dark, but not pitch black which was the only way Richie knew it wasn’t the middle of the night, but still not quite morning. 

Lazily, and without a verbal response, Richie just pushed the blankets up inviting Eddie in like he had done so many times before when they would sleep at Bills, and Eddie would wake him up by shining the flashlight he always brought into his eyes. Eddie sighed a bit and shifted on the bed, back facing Richie as he shimmed down under the blankets, after the thick fabric fell into place around them, Eddie turned so he was laying on his back, Richie to his right. He looks over to the sleep deprived man beside him and smiled softly, the overwhelming urge to touch Richie’s face crushing him. Lifting a tender hand he stroked Richie’s cheek, whispering under the covers. “ Thanks, for scaring away the monsters again, Rich. “ Richie opened heavy eyes and smiled, placing a tender hand on Eddie’s healing cheek. " You know i’ll do it for the rest of time if you ask me too. “ 

The next thing Richie knew he felt warm tears hitting his thumb that stroked Eddies cheek, and before he had time to ask what was wrong Eddie buried his face into Richie’s chest. The smaller man shivered a bit as he wept and Richie simply held him close, running his fingers through his hair humming softly as he did. Eddie had never cried in front of Richie, not when he broke his arm, not when Bowers hit him. Not even when his mother went in on him extra hard. So to say Rich had no idea what to do was an understatement. The feeling of wetness soaked into his shirt and he kissed Eddie's head, reassuring him that it would be alright. No one and nothing could hurt him. “ We are in an anti-monster fort you know Spaghetti man. Nothing can come in unless we let it “ Eddie was calming down now, enough that he was able to get a response out “ We’re not kids anymore dickhead. “ Richie rubbed Eddies back as he ignored his comment and continued. “ You know my grandfather's grandfather used to make these bad boys! “ Richie said in a bad old man voice, contorting his face to make it look weird and wrinkly, even though no one could see it. Eddie shifted a bit in Richie’s arm’s and for a second he thought he could hear a giggle. “ The old fucks never did figure out how to move them though. You had to stay in one spot, least you get eaten! “ His voice had shifted from the old man to the librarian that would yell at them for laughing instead of reading in the library Mike now lived in. “ I tell you what, these young whippersnappers don’t know anything! “ He was shaking his fist when Eddie finally laughed, grabbing Richie’s shirt to dry his eyes, Richie suddenly being very grateful for the cover of the blankets. “ I hate you, asshole. “ Eddie said softly, pushing back against Richie’s hand that stayed in the small of his back, looking at him before rolling his eyes and smiling. “ Like, I really can’t fucking stand you. “ 

They fell asleep again shortly after Eddie fully calmed down, Eddie falling asleep with his face in Richie’s chest, Rich eventually wrapping him in his arms. Finally Eddie moved when a combination of Richie snoring in his face and the heat he was giving off got to be too much, the sudden movement made Rich tense up a bit, grabbing Eddie tighter and pulling him to his chest. “ I’m not leaving you Rich. “ Eddie mumbled half asleep before wiggling out of his grip to turn on his other side, back pressed to Richie’s chest. “ I just had to move. You sound like a leaf blower “ Richie stuffed his face into Eddies shoulders before starting up again, Eddie closed his eyes and smiled to himself, pulling one of Richie’s arms up to cuddle it close to his face, kissing each of his knuckles before drifting back into sleep himself. 

They both woke up with a start when they heard a pounding at the door. Eddie shooting up so fast he almost broke Richie’s nose. Rich held his face as Eddie jumped out of bed, looking around the room for his phone. Shit shit shit. “ I know I snore but jesus don’t be so eager to get out of bed with me next time “ Richie mumbled as he rubbed his face, the scruff of not shaving for a few days getting thicker and more beard like, he needed to fix that. He blinked hard and squinted at the frantic man as another loud knock echoed through the room. “ Do you know where my phone is? “ Eddie called over to Richie who yawned and stretched, not seeming to worry about the annoying knocking. “ I do not, my love. Why? Need to make an important phone call this early? “ A third knock. “ Jesus Christ can we have some privacy?! “ Richie finally shouted, Eddie finally holding his phone in shaking hands. There were more calls then text, mostly because Myra didn’t like to text Eddie because she wanted to hear that he was okay. Her words, “ What if someone takes your phone and text me pretending to be you? I know when it's actually you talking to me on the phone. I can’t be so sure with text! “ The text read that she was worried about him, she had called the police, reported him missing and had tracked his phone to find where he was, among other things. Eddie looked at the now buzzing phone with an anger so fierce he did something he never imagined he would ever do, and threw the damn thing against the wall. 

“ What the hell was that about? Is everything okay? “ Richie looked at Eddie confused as he walked toward the door, shooting a “ Don’t say anything “ Look to Richie as he opened it, cutting a forth knock short. And that's when Richie saw what the infamous Myra Kaspbrak looked like in person for the first of many times. She stood in the door in a cream floral dress with a shaw, and black slip on shoes. She looked at Eddie who stood in the door in such a way he almost blocked Richie, almost. “ What is going on here, Eddie bear? Is everything okay? Why is that.. Filthy man in the same room as you. Are you hurt? “ Myra started, pushing the door open a bit more, Eddie doing his best to hold it closed. “ Everything is fine, why are you here “ Eddie asked, closing his eyes to avoid burning holes into Myra’s skull. Myra put a tender hand on Eddie, talking in a calm voice. “ I was just making sure you were alright. I know you left pretty upset the other day and I worry.. Now come home, you don’t need to spend another second in this disgusting hole “ 

Richie was standing now, not sure if he should walk up behind Eddie or keep his distance. For the time being he opted for the second choice. Better safe than sorry. “ I don’t want to come home, or any place that involves being in the same room as you right now. “ Eddie spat back, opening his eyes too look into Myra’s. “ I told you, I'm leaving you and that’s that. Now stop treating me like a child and let me deal with this. “ Eddie started to push the door shut in her face, but Myra was absolutely having none of that. She pushed the door open enough to come inside the room, shutting and locking the door behind her. “ Eddie you're being absurd, it's time for you to come home so we can talk this out. “ She was closing the distance when finally Richie snapped. “ Listen, your majesty. With all due respect I don’t think Ed’s wants what your selling. “ Both Eddie and Myra’s heads snapped to look at Richie at the same time, and suddenly being the center of attention was the last thing Richie wanted. “ And who do you think YOU are? “ Myra snapped, walking a bit closer to him. “ I am his WIFE and I want him home, and you think you can just walk up and tell me what I can and can’t do or say to my HUSBAND? “ The words husband and wife stung a little more than Richie thought they would. But he just smiled and replied. “ You won't be his wife for much longer from the looks of it, maybe you should learn to respect his choices like you respect a well done steak. “ Richie was a lot of things. A smart ass, a douchebag, but he was not a push over. And he was not going to let this mass of a woman intimidate him. But when he saw the look of fear in Eddies eyes he realized something very important. Sometimes winning isn't as important as protecting what you care about. “ I'll have you know that I am perfectly healthy, and when it comes to my Eddie bear no one knows what's best for him besides me. So ill be taking him back home and we will be sorting this out like adults. Not that you would know anything about that, you.. You idiot. “ Myra looked Richie up and down before saying “ Idiot “ and grabbing Eddies arm. It was now or never, and as Eddie took a deep breath he realized that sometimes you have to fight for the things you want in life. “ I’m staying here, with Richie. “


	7. He who has the last laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking over his shoulder at the screen again, this time under the picture of the comedian.
> 
> “ Live for the first time in New York! Richard Tozier! “

“ No, you're going to stay here with me like you promised you would when we moved here Eddie Bear. You can’t leave me to go see some.. Sexual deviant. “ Eddies mom stood in the door, blocking his way out, the glow of the street lights reflected in the still puddles from where it had rained earlier. “ he isn't a sexual deviant Mommy, he's a comedian. And he's really funny. Come on I promised my friends I would go with them I promise ill be careful. “ A lie, Eddie didn’t have a lot of friends, not since he was younger. The memorie bubbled in his mind, of a group of people. Their faces were washed out and hard to see, and the only thing he could really remember about them was that they were in fact friends, but the names and personalities they had were washed from his brain like the sidewalk chalk on the pavement was washed away by the rain. “ I won't be out late, and Steven said he would bring me home after. “ Another lie, he planned to walk both too and from. His mother didn’t like him driving. Said it was too dangerous and he could just walk to and from his job, it was just down the road. 

She rubbed her hands together, working her fingers between one another and looking at her now 20 year old son like he was still the 13 year old that broke his arm playing rough with his friends. She didn’t dislike that he wanted to have friends. She just had such a deep concern about his well being. She couldn’t stand the idea of seeing her little Eddie Bear be hurt. And besides, what did he need to go see this, trashmouth for anyhow? He had never shown interest in comedy before. She wasn’t sure why he suddenly was acting like if he didn’t go, his world would catch fire. She sighed a bit as he begged in the background of her drugging thoughts. And finally, after a moment of deliberation more. She sent him to his room. Eddie stormed off like a child and slammed his door shut. One of his few acts of rebellion. 

He paced around his room for a moment, looking at the computer on his desk, he took a deep breath and crossed his arms, looking at the mans face for a long moment, what was it about him that gave Eddie the feeling of such strong Deja Vu? He was a normal enough looking man. He was lanky, probably tall, skinny arms and long fingers. Unruly brown curly hair that looked like it had tried to be fixed, but got wilder instead. Black thick rimmed glasses framed a slim face that was smiling, looking into what must have been an audience that the camera didn't pick up, and bright blue eyes. Scrunched under the pressure of his cheeks from smiling. The picture made Eddie smile a bit, before the warm feeling of blush rushed to the tips of Eddie's ears and he had to look away, covering his mouth. “ why do I think he's cute? What is wrong with me? “ Eddie mumbled under his hand. He pushed his hand up and into his hair before taking a deep breath. Looking over his shoulder at the screen again, this time under the picture of the comedian.

“ Live for the first time in New York! Richard Tozier! “ 

Eddie read the name over and over, trying to understand why it sounded so familiar, but he couldn't connect the dots. If he compared it to putting together a puzzle, he just had the frame done and none of the insides. Under the headline was a time and location, the show started at seven, but the main act with Richard didn’t start till almost nine. It was only about six thirty now. And the venue was about a half hour walk away. So Eddie nodded to himself, and grabbed some clean clothes. For some reason he was compelled to wear the awful blue hawaiian shirt hanging in his closet. But he decided against it. He grabbed a Queen shirt, and a pair of levi’s with holes in the knees. He thought about dressing nice for about fifteen seconds. But scratched the idea when he remembered he would be in basically a bar. He grabbed clean underwear and socks and headed to the bathroom where he turned on the shower before getting undressed, looking at himself in the mirror for a moment, making sure there were no weird or new marks, bumps, bruises or abrasions. When he was content with himself he got into the shower, and thought about Richard Tozier. 

After drying off and getting dressed, brushing his teeth and his hair and putting on more deodorant then he probably needed, Eddie walked quietly back to his room. The clock read about seven fifteen, he took a deep breath and walked toward the staircase, listing for the tell tale sign of his mom watching TV. He instead was greeted with the sound of snoring. Even better, this was perfect. He didn’t have to try and climb out of the window now. How the house was set up he had the front door which was directly next to the open living room, Sonia insisted on this house because since there was no wall dividing the living room from the front door she could “ Make sure no one got in or out that she didn’t want too. “ Her words rang in Eddies head as he tiptoed down the stairs in his lavender socks, crouching to increase his sneaking factor. His shoes were laid neatly in front of the door. He was basically crawling as he reached the bottom of the stairs and started toward his shoes, His mom shifting a bit on the chair she was seated in, bumping the table beside her with all of her new meds on it. The thought of taking even a single one made Eddies stomach turn. 

After finding out his mother was sick, she stopped trying to make him take a million pills, because she was now to busy doing it herself. The only thing she kept up with when it came to Eddie was insisting that he had to be careful, and do only as she told him to do. Eddie just did as he was told, to worried about his mother to even think of questioning her at this point. He knew it was only a matter of time before the inevitable. Why not do what he can to make her as happy as possible? He thought of how upset she would be when she found out he had sunk out of the house. If she found out, was more like it. He really didn’t plan to be out all night and had a spare key. So getting it wouldn't be an issue either. He shut his door behind him, and his mom had walked in on him to many times to even bother going in his room anymore. He slid on his shoes in front of the main door, and took a deep breath before slowly standing and tip toeing to the kitchen, where they had a back door that lead to a patio and backyard, they had a fence with a gate that opened to the driveway on the side, he could sneak along the wall and be home free in no time. He jumped a bit when he started opening the door when he heard his mother standing up. 

Panic set in quick and violently. What was he going to do? He had two options. Play it off, or open the door and leave before his mom got to the kitchen. He knew he was faster then his mom, but he also knew his mom would notice the unlocked door before Eddie had a chance to lock it behind him. He opted for the first one. “ Hi mommy, is everything okay? “ He asked as she lumbered into the kitchen, legs all but dragging behind her. “ I’m fine Eddie, I just need some water to take my pills. “ She groaned, obviously still half asleep. Eddie took this chance to fetch her a glass and fill it with water for her. She smiled as he handed the glass to her, and pointed to her cheek. Eddie smiled a bit and leaned forward, giving her a kiss. “ Love you, Mommy. “ He said weakly as she shuffled out of the kitchen. She didn’t respond. 

He waited until he heard the sound of her sinking back into her chair to finish unlocking and opening the door. Taking extra care to make sure he shut it as silently as possible, before locking it and heading toward the gate that let out to the road. He held his breath as he unlocked and walked through the gate. Not letting it fall behind his and instead softly closing it. He didn’t breath again until his feet hit the pavement of the sidewalk. He looked at his watch, and it read seven forty five. Fuck, why did it take him thirty minutes to get from his room to the sidewalk outside? He didn’t know. But he needed to hurry. He didn’t want to miss the chance to possibly get answers as to why the tall man on the computer made him miss that shitty town in Maine. 

When he finally got the the bar the line to get in was almost around the entire building. He sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose, looking down at his watch to see that it was already eight thirty. He had thirty minutes to get into the bar, find a seat and mentally prepare himself for this shit show. If he was being honest, he didn’t really like comedy. He remembered having a friend that told horrible, awful jokes when they were kids. And he would laugh at those. Maybe partly because he didn’t want to make his friend feel bad, and maybe partly because he liked the jokes, liked the person telling them. Eddie shook the thought from his head as the line shifted slightly. He could feel the presence of someone standing behind him, the smell of smoke drifting down and tickling his nose. He crossed his arms passive aggressively, and huffed as he shifted his weight to his other foot. The man behind him let out a soft grunt, sounding more amused than annoyed before blowing smoke at the back of Eddie's head. 

Eddie turned around pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closed, before shooting his hand out in front of him “ I have asthma asshole, could you not blow your smoke at me? “ He looked up at the man in front of him, and felt his cheeks turn red in record time when the very man he was here to see looked back at him, a short look of confusion, maybe even recognition passed across his face. “ Sorry short stuff, I didn’t know. Ill be more mindful. You here to see the show? “ The tall man asked, Eddie tried to play it cool, which he didn’t do very well. “ Obviously, why else would I come to some shitty bar if not for some shitty comedian. “ He closed his eyes tight, and looked down before huffing “ I’m sorry, that was rude. I shouldn’t be so mean. I've never even seen you perform before. “ The man in front of him was holding the back of his hand to his mouth, stifling a laugh. Eyes scrunched up like in the picture on the computer. And suddenly Eddie was hit with another wave of Deja Vu. Like he had seen this exact thing a million times before. The laughter came rolling out of Eddie first, softly and awkward. But when the other man started laughing in response. It didn’t take long for both of them to be in stitches. After laughing together awkwardly at nothing for a moment, the tall man put a tender hand on Eddies shoulder, looking down at him with kind eyes, a tear rolling down his cheek. “ What's your name, kid? “ He took one last drag for his smoke before tossing it aside, blowing the toxic air up and away from Eddie. “ My name, uh. Its Eddie, what about you? “ He closed his eyes as if he had just asked a fat woman if she was pregnant, he knew what his name was. “ Richie. “ The tall man responded, patting Eddies shoulder. “ But you can call me Rich, Ed’s “ He winked as he strolled back toward the door. Waving behind him. “ See you inside, hopefully you like the show. “ 

Eddie sat pretty close to the stage, looking around him at the other tables full of people. He somehow managed to snag a seat when a group of people had left, he wasn't sure if they would come back but he didn’t much care. He fumbled with his hands in his lap as the room around him buzzed with excitement, he overheard someone beside him talking about Richie. “ I hear he's a riot, and not to mention he's not bad to look at. Something about his crazy hair and weird clothes turn me on. “ The girls giggled and Eddie sank back deeper into his chair. Suddenly the lights dimmed and the stage lights flashed on, the dark red curtain behind the single chair and mic on the stage shimmering softly, the swirls of smoke in the room illuminated from the now single source of light. Eddie thought he might faint. And then it was like being thrown into a whole new room, a whole new world. When Richie walked on stage, he was wearing a dark green pair of pants paired with a black and white checkered long sleeve button up shirt and a Dark Side of the Moon shirt under it, his hair was even more wild than in the photo Eddie had seen of him on the computer. And suddenly he had the urge to just run his fingers through it. He sank back further into his chair, blushing a bit. Glad that the lights were so dim. 

When Richie spoke, he took control of the room. His voice was loud and the laughter that followed was louder. Eddie found himself giggling at a few of his jokes, and blushed a bit when he thought Richie looked at him and winked. A smile planted sheepishly on his lips. “ So anyway, I think you guys will get a kick out of this one. “ Richie started, looking around the room, taking in everyone's look of surprise and confusion. He sat down, fixing his shirt as he did. Looking out into the crowd still as he started to speak. “ I wish I had a flashlight or some shit, to cause ambiance. “ The audience laughed, Eddie included. It felt nostalgic, the way Richie talked. Like everyone in the room was his best friend. After the laughs calmed down he continued. “ So when I was a kid, I had this friend, let’s call him, I don’t know. Bill. “ Eddie scrunched his eyebrows, why did that name sound so familiar. “ And Bill had this crazy obsession with clowns. Like, was convinced he was being haunted by one. “ A couple people giggled, most stayed silent. Waiting for what came next. Eddie wanted that to be the punchline. “ And so, I remember one year i dressed as the Joker for halloween and just kept making these awful clown jokes. “ More laughter. Richie was smiling, but he looked confused. Like maybe this story was more real than he'd like to admit. “ And I remember telling him one day I was going to become famous as a comedian, and asking if he would be scared of me then. “ Eddie took a deep breath, memories of things he had forgotten from childhood rushing in at a rapid pace. “ And Bill looks at me and goes, “ You don’t have to become famous for that, Rich. You’re already a fucking clown. “ The room erupted in laughter and Eddie shot up from his seat. The sudden urge to throw up taking him by complete surprise. Richie followed him with his eyes as he left, Eddie glancing at him only once as he fled the room for the bathroom. 

He sat on the floor for what felt like years, his head spinning with sudden memories of a clown that killed one of his friends little brothers. That couldn’t be right though. It couldn’t be real. But he remembered, he remembered that he didn’t actually break his arm playing, but fighting that same clown. The other kids faces were still washed out. But he felt someone grabbing him hurriedly as the clown grew closer, comforting him. He remembered the way they all came with him back to his house after. The way the clown haunted their dreams. He shook a bit as the memories raked through him like a violent asthma attack. A knock on the bathroom stall door startled him out of his trance. He cleared his throat as someone asked softly from the other side “ Are you okay, man? Or were my jokes that bad? “ Eddie sighed loud enough for Richie to hear before leaning against the door. Further preventing Richie from opening it. “ yeah, im fine. Just had a bad drink or something. “ Richie laughed, slumping to the floor to lean against the other side of the door. “ You didn’t drink a drop, if you don’t want to tell me what's wrong that's fine. But you don’t have to lie. “ 

And suddenly Eddie felt a ping of guilt. He wasn't sure why, it's not like he owed this guy anything. Let alone honesty. But as he leaned against the bathroom stall door and read the words scrawled across the walls in sharpie. He decided being honest might not be such a bad idea. “ I just, started remembering shit that I had forgotten about a long time ago. Things I guess i repressed for some reason. About, “ He paused. He couldn’t exactly tell a stranger about a killer clown demon. “ about some shit that went down when I was a kid. “ Silence filled the small bathroom, and Richie tapped his fingers against the tile floor of the bathroom for a moment before shuffling a bit to stand up. “ Want to get a real drink? “ He asked, forehead pressed against the cold metal of the door. Eddie looked forward, at the toilet and contemplated lying, saying he was too sick. He wanted to go home. But he decided against it. “ How does a pepsi sound big guy. “ 

After some light arguing about where to go, Eddie left the bathroom stall and washed hands, washed out his mouth the best he could and then washed his hands again. Richie just stood beside him, back to the mirror and watched Eddie. When they left the bathroom Richie had to duck behind Eddie so fans wouldn’t see him leaving, and they all but ran to a diner down the road from the venue. “ My manager is gonna be so pissed. “ Richie huffed, pulling out his pack of smokes as they neared the brightly lit restaurant. “ He acts like my mom, like im not allowed to leave the house without telling him about it first. “ Eddie recoiled a bit at the notion. But didn’t mention it. They walked into the small but quaint diner and gave themselves a both toward the back, looking out the big window to the side of them. Richie, keeping his head turned to the side, took a quick glance at Eddie, that did not go unnoticed. “ What, do I have something on my face? “ Eddie replied as Richie chuckled, blush showing off the well hidden freckles on his cheeks. Eddie buried his face into his menu. “ No you just look like someone I used to know is all. “ Richie replied, looking back out the window. The waitress bopped over happily and sat down next to Richie, chewing gum annoyingly as she asked cheerily “ What can I get you two tonight? “ Eddie looked up from his menu in time to see the girl eyeing Richie, biting her lip a bit as he looked back to her. “ Ill have whatever the beautiful young lady beside me thinks I should have “ He flirted back, winking at her. For a reason that was not entirely clear to Eddie, he was jealous. “ Ill just have a water for now, thanks. “ She looked him up and down and raised an eyebrow, slowly scooting out of the booth. 

Eddie took his turn to look out the window in compilation. He noticed Richie looking but didn’t make an effort to call him out on it this time. Figuring it wasn’t really him he was looking at but probably the cute waitress that was cleaning tables behind them, he still wasn't sure why the two flirting bothered him so much. But he chalked it up to just being uncomfortable. “ So, tell me about the mysterious Eddie. “ Richie finally broke the ice, leaning on the table, arms crossed. Eddie turned to look at him, smiling a bit and rolling his eyes. “ Well what do you want to know about me? “ He started. Racking his brain for anything that was even soft of worth talking about. He didn’t think he had to many interesting facts about himself. “ What do you do for fun, your hobbies, favorite color. Best friend, biggest dream, the type of girls you’re into. Anything. “ Richie said, before backing away a bit and rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassment crossing his face. “ I mean, making friends is hard. So might as well get the basics out of the way first. “ Eddie felt his heart leap into his throat. He giggled a bit and smiled at Rich when the waitress finally came back, a platter with food, their drinks and what looked like a chocolate milkshake on it. She set the food down in front of Richie who licked his lips in excitement. Eddie looked away after realizing he was staring at Richie. She set the milkshake down in front of Eddie along with the water, and he looked at her with a confused look. “ But I didn't “ She cut him off by putting a manicured finger to his lips. “ It's on the house, cutie. “ She smiled at both of them and walked away, turning back to blow them both kisses. Eddie blushed again, and looked up to Richie who was wasting no time digging into his burger. Eddie stole a fry, dipping it in the milkshake before starting “ well, lets see. What do I do for fun, well I actually know how to skateboard pretty good. I went through this rebellious teen phase because my mom wouldn't let me do anything, so I asked a friend to teach me how to. “ He ran his fingers through his hair, pushing the longer bit in front back, letting his hand rest on the back of his head for a moment. “ She lost her shit any time I came home with cuts or bruises from falling. “ Richie was looking at him, pure fascination in his eyes. He was hooked. “ My favorite color is blue, I don’t think I have a best friend anymore. And i’m not sure what type of girl im into, never thought about girls before. I really only was close to one when I was younger. But I never looked at her like that. “ Eddie motioned with his hands and Richie giggled. Eddie smiled shyly in response. 

They sat and talked for at least two hours. About any and everything, Richie dropped the fake comedian act pretty fast and opened up to Eddie in no time, They talked about the fact that Richie didn’t really spend a lot of time with his family and how he would always go to his friends' houses. He remembered being close with a small group of friends but they fell apart. “ I think it started when the leader of the group left. We kinda all looked up to him for advice and guidance. And when he left, it felt like such a huge part of us was gone. “ Eddie reached across the table and put a gentle hand on Richies, Rubbing his thumb softly over the larger mans knuckles. Richie smiled at Eddie and cleared his throat. “ anyway, I feel like ive been rambling for, well forever. You must be getting tired, I can take you home if you want? “ They looked at one another for a moment before Eddie subconsciously bit his lower lip, looking down a bit. Shooting Richie a glance before saying “ I just walked here, and its not bad out. I don’t mind walking back. He started to reach for the check before Richie grabbed it from him. “ Let me handle this, Ed’s “ Eddie started to scoot out of the booth, heading toward the register. “ Not if I get there first, asshole. And don’t call me that. “ The laughed as they fought one another all the way to the counter. Playing like children. 

Richie ended up strong arming Eddie out of the way, literally pushing him away from the register. Which sparked something in Eddie, which he shrugged off. The chances of this guy actually being interested in him were slim to none. Not that it mattered. When they walked back outside it had started to drizzle rain again, Richie shrugged and lit another cigarette, pulling his thin long sleeved shirt off and draping it over Eddies shoulders. “ Classy, the whole gentleman act. “ Eddie joked, taking in the smell of Richie’s shirt. He smelled like fresh cut grass and bourbon. Like a night cuddled up next to the fire with your dad on a rainy night. Like home, Eddie took a deep breath and smiled. “ Well who would I be if not a gentleman? “ Richie said, puffing his chest out a bit. “ I like to take care of my ladies, Eddie my love. “ He waggled his eyebrows, looking down at Eddie who just slapped him in the chest, making him deflate. “ I don’t know what's worse. You pretending to be a nice guy or the increasingly bad nicknames. “ They laughed and started back toward the venue. It was the fastest way back to Eddie’s house. Eddie wished somewhere deep in his heart that they could have stayed together longer, something about the time spent with Richie was time he didn’t want to give up. 

As they made their way back toward Eddie's house, the feeling of sadness hit the small man like a pound of bricks, he wasn't sure if it was because of the gloomy weather, or the warm inviting feeling he felt when at the restaurant with Rich, but he didn’t want the time they were sharing to end. So for the first time in a long time Eddie acted on impulse. “ When do you have to leave? I mean, New York? “ Richie stopped and looked down at Eddie, his wet hair clinging to his face, and water droplets hanging off his glasses. The street light casting a soft yellow glow on the two of them. Eddie swore Richie looked like an angel. “ I’m not sure, probably in a few days. Why? “ deep breath Kaspbrak you got this, “ I just, I had a really good time hanging out with you and I don’t normally spend a lot of time with other people and I thought maybe we could spend some more time together, but not tonight if you don’t want to maybe tomorrow or something if you’re still in town and not busy that is. “ Eddie breathed heavy, and started fumbling around in his pocket for his inhaler, which he took a deep breath from when he finally found it. Richie looked at him in shock for a moment and then laughed, putting a hand on Eddies shoulder to steady himself as he bent over laughing. “ If you think its so funny forget I asked, jerk. “ Pulling away from him, Eddie turned his back and started walking again. “ Wait, no its not that Eddie! Please! “ Richie shouted, laughter still coating his words. “ wait, Ed’s! “ Richie started after him, grabbing his shoulder as he turned him around. “ Please, its not that. Its just, I don’t see what you see in me. But it reminds me of when I was a kid, and I would spend all my time with that kid that looked like you. Its cute is all. “ He bit his lip, closing his eyes behind his rain soaked glasses. Great choice of words, Tozier. 

They stood in the rain for a moment in silence. Richies hand resting softly on the wet fabric of his shirt draped over Eddies shoulders. The sight of him in his shirt making Richie blush a bit. Eddie glared at him for a moment before sighing in defeat. “ At least, can we at least get out of the rain. My socks are wet. “ He smiled up at the taller man, and got a nod in response, they finished the walk to Eddies, and stood for a moment on the porch, Richie taking in the surrounding apartments and landscape. “ I would invite you in, but that might be awkward. “ Eddie rubbed the back of his neck, looking away and too the side, where his moms station wagon was parked. “ Its all good Ed’s, I get it. Don’t want the misses to be confused when you bring a strange guy home. “ Richie shoved his hands in his pockets, looking the opposite direction that Eddie was looking in. “ the idea of me having a girlfriend is laughable, Trashmouth. “ Eddie looked up at him then, blinking the rain out of his lashes. “ Its, more like my mom would have my ass.” He shrugged a bit, looking at everything but the man in front of him, who was getting closer. “ Hey, I get it. No shame in staying at home with the parents, is she hot? “ Eddie punched him, on instinct. If you could call it that. And Richie laughed as he rubbed his chest where Eddie had hit him. “ Oh shut up, not like she would be into you anyway. When is the last time you showered? “ They smiled at each other. Laughter filling the empty space between them. “ Right now actually, why waist money on a shower when you get free ones from mother nature all the time! “ Eddie rolled his eyes laughing, stepping closer to the door so Richie could move more out of the rain. “ That's disgusting, you’re disgusting. “ Richie moved closer, putting a hand on the door behind Eddies head. “ Oh yeah sure says the man that has totally been giving me bedroom eyes all night “ Eddie blushed, looking away to find himself very close to Richie’s arm, looking back to him sheepishly. “ As if, i’m so out of your league. “

And then suddenly Richie was leaning in, and Eddie felt his brain turn to mush. He felt all the air being sucked from his lungs as the distance between the two of them closed slowly, Richie stopped about an inch from Eddies lips, and looks between them and the brown eyes of the boy beneath him. “ Is this too much? “ He whispered, like speaking would break the bubble they were in under the light of Eddie's porch. It wasn’t usual for Eddie to speak out like this, it wasn’t like Eddie to kiss strangers on his porch at midnight. But life is full of new chances. “ If you ask me, it's not enough “ He said before closing the distance, pushing his lips awkwardly against the man lumbering above him, feeling the instant butterflies fill his stomach as he put a testing hand on his shirt, grabbing a gentle handful of fabric. This was met in response with Richie leaning in a bit more, kissing back with a little more practice. The kiss was tender, soft. Non invasive, the kind of first kiss that you share with someone you care about, and then it got hungry. Richie pushing himself a little more tightly against Eddie, who in return let out an awkward moan which just made Richie smile against his lips, kissing him deeper, placing a careful hand on his side, feeling him from overtop his shirt that was wet and sticking to his body. “ Is this too much “ Richie breathed between kisses, before moving from Eddies lips to his cheek and down to his neck, kissing softly and nipping tenderly at the nape of his neck, which in return got more hushed moans in the dim light “ Its perfect, Rich. “ Eddie breathed as he laced his hand in Richies wet, mess of a head of hair, pulling him back up to kiss him again with even more want, nipping on his bottom lip as Richie slid his hand under the smaller mans shirt, the cold of his hand against Eddies warm skin sending a chill down his spine. Suddenly all Eddie could think about was what Richie’s body must feel like. He got lost in his thoughts as he slipped a curious tongue into the taller mans mouth, the notion was greeted with reciprocation as Richie licked Eddies lower lip, pulling Eddie closer, their bodies now flush against one another, Richie pushing his leg carefully between the man below him, so that his knee was between Eddie’s thighs. It was all getting to be too much, and Eddie had to pull away from the kiss, leaving Richie hungry and scrambling for more. “ We have to stop “ Eddie panted, cheeks red and heart racing. He looked up at Richie who was also panting, and fixing his pants. Eddie had to look away from fear of exploding. “ Was I getting to pushy? I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable Eddie, I really didn’t want to do anything you don't want. “ Rich cleared his throat, looking away as he tried to calm himself, “ Its not that, I just. We just met you know, I don’t want you to regret it. “ Eddie said, a little shocked at himself. 

And then something he wasn’t really expecting happened, Richie pulled him into a hug, holding him close in a tender way. “ I would never regret anything with you. “ He whispered into Eddies ear. And Eddie had to blink a few times to make sure he didn’t pass out. “ Rich, I-- “ But before he could continue the door flew open, and Sonia Kaspbrak stood in the doorway, looking more pissed then the devil when he got thrown from heaven. “ Edward Kaspbrak get in this house RIGHT now. “

Eddie didn’t see Richie again for two days, right before he was set to leave again. He had gone to his last show in New York, only getting away with it because it was on a day he was supposed to be going to work. But he knew his boss was a fan and promised an autograph if he covered for him going. He got there any hour early and watched the other performer, twisting his thumbs over one another waiting for Richie to come steal the spotlight again. When he finally came out, it felt like graduating highschool. A rush of excitement followed by an extreme sense of sadness and not knowing what to do next. Eddie watched him every second of his act, and waited outside with the other die hard fans that wanted an autograph for Richie to come out. When he seen him finally his heart skipped a beat. He made sure to sign Eddies last, Eddie tumbling out it was for his boss before Richie could put something stupid. When Richie walked to his car that was parked behind the building, Eddie followed close behind. Slipping in the passenger side seat with a soft huff, he didn’t want to look at Richie, or say anything. Because then him leaving would be real. He knew it wouldn’t last. It was just dumb luck that someone so out of his league would even be slightly interested in him. He looked over at Richie who was already staring at him. And smiled softly. “ What, do I have something on my face? “ Richie smirked, looking back in front of him, putting his hands on the wheel. “ come with me “ He said, and Eddie felt his heart drop. “ I’m sorry, what? “ 

They sat there in the parking lot of a nicer but still cheap sold out venue before richie looked over again and repeated himself. “ Come with me, Ed’s. Leave this town in the background. Run away with me “ He looked away before Eddie could respond. “ We just met like, three days ago. Why would you want me to run away with you when you don’t even know me? “ Eddie looked at the other man, pure confusion rushing over him. He didn’t know why he wanted to take Richie up on his offer. But he knew that as much as he wanted it, he couldn’t leave his life behind for a man he didn’t know. “ I feel like ive known you my whole life, Ed’s. And I don’t want to let the idea of you slip from my memory. I have a horrible time remembering anything, and I don’t want you to be something I forget. “ Richie looked back at him, sorrow written across his face. “ Please. “ Eddie leaned forward and kissed his forehead softly, taking Richie's hand in his, lacing there fingers together. “ I won’t forget you Rich. How could I, you’re loud and annoying as hell and tell stupid jokes. Besides, it's not like you won't come to New York again i’m sure.. “ They shared a moment of silence, before Richie smiled softly at Eddie, leaning forward to give him a soft kiss on the lips. “If I give you my number, will you call? “ Eddie nodded. And bit his lip a bit looking at Richie, the idea of the last time they were alone swirling in his head. “ I promise, Mr. famous comedian. “ 

And just like that, Eddie was watching the love of his life fade from view once again, and he wouldn’t see or hear from him until seventeen years later when the worst thing to happen to him as a child came back.

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna be a long ass fanfiction so bare with me I have a lot of emotions I want to get out alright, :( 
> 
> Edit: I will be adding more chapters too this its not just gonna end with that wack ass cliffhanger I promise! <3


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